


Incubus Blues

by Dazeventura6



Series: Spencer Raith [1]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV), The Dresden Files - Jim Butcher
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Magical Realism, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, M/M, Multi, Oral Sex, Rough Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2018-12-15 22:41:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 37,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11815653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dazeventura6/pseuds/Dazeventura6
Summary: Spencer Raith wasn't your typical white court vampire and then he went and joined the FBI. There is nothing so deadly to a vampire of the White Court as falling in love. After a lifetime of watching his parents implode Spencer thought he had taken every precaution, he could think of to be safe from that particular folly especially with a job that allowed him little to no free time or much of a social life. Love, however, had other plans.





	1. Childhood

**Author's Note:**

> This was my July RT and now that it's almost done I will be posting it here as it is betaed by GhostInTheBAU. Maybe once a week.
> 
> Don't own anything just for fun.

_ “Love is the most beautiful of dreams and the worst of nightmares.” _

_ ― Aman Jassal, Rainbow - the shades of love _

**October 1989**

Eight-year-old Spencer Raith was sure that life didn’t get any better. It was his birthday, and he’d just gotten the best present ever; he couldn’t wait to show it to his cousin Thomas and start playing with it. Thomas was a teenager and he was the only one of Lord Raith’s children who visited regularly; and although he tended to spend most of his time with Spencer’s mother learning things that Spencer was not supposed to know about yet, he always found time to play with his young cousin.

Spencer didn’t have any other friends since his genius made kids his own age wary of him, and they usually considered him a freak or a weirdo; but because of his family’s apparent wealth and power, they generally left him alone--exempt from the bullying. His other cousins on his father’s side didn’t really visit that often because, for some reason, they didn’t get along with his mother; and he didn’t have any relatives on his mother’s side.

Spencer was quite puzzled by the strange things that happened in his family--like the way his father sometimes seemed to go pale, his eyes glowing with an inhuman silver light when he was around his mother; or how his mother would sometimes mutter words in Latin and things would just magically happen, usually when she didn’t think he was around. Or how they couldn’t keep any technology in the house without it malfunctioning within a few hours of being near his mom.

Spencer couldn’t wait till he was old enough to learn things from his mother like his cousin Thomas, and then maybe he would be old enough to learn all the family secrets. But for now he was bouncing excitedly from foot to foot outside his mother’s work room as he waited for Thomas to finish his lessons so he could join him in the room he had dubbed his laboratory, much to his parents’ amusement, and finally, unpack his present and begin using it.

Finally, finally he saw the door begin to open and Thomas walked out, a huge grin all over his attractive face at the impatience and excitement he could see on the younger boy’s eyes.

“Guess what I just got Thomas! Guess!! Guess!!” Spencer said, practically bouncing with anticipation.

“I don’t know…lemme see….a chemistry set?” Thomas said chuckling and ruffling the boy’s hair.

“YES!!! How did you guess? It’s so perfect. It has everything I’ve been wanting for forever!!” Spencer exclaimed even as he enthusiastically dragged his cousin along towards his lab.

The two boys spent an entertaining few hours doing various experiments from the kit and even tried one that they designed themselves. Thomas found a certain peace in being with his young cousin away from the politics and pressures of his life as the son of the Lord of the White Court of vampires. The White Court was known for its manipulations and power plays and being Lord Raith’s son, Thomas was at the center of events trying to fight off assassination attempts and manipulations from all sides with his own father being the worst of them. He had found that pretending to be a vacuous fop was the best protection for him while he was at home and so the few hours and days that he managed to steal away with Spencer and his family were the rare times where he could be himself without.

Spencer, for his part, just loved his cousin Thomas--who, unlike the neighborhood kids didn’t think he was weird or a freak and was always willing to listen to him and play games with him.

Finally, the boys noticed that it was getting late and Thomas reluctantly admitted that it was time for him to go home, so they tidied away their experiments for another day and left the lab still high on the fun they’d had together that afternoon. As they walked towards the entrance where the car was waiting to take Thomas back to the family house in Vegas they overheard raised voices. This made Spencer nervous since he knew the voices belonged to his parents. He didn’t want to eavesdrop but they couldn’t help it as they had to pass the room in which his parents were arguing.

“You know I hate feeding from them as much as you hate me feeding from other people Diana. Why are we having this argument again? I can’t keep taking from you and only you, not without killing you. You know this, you knew this when we married and we’ve been lucky to get as far as we have. Why are you doing this? You knew what I was when you married me…..you knew what we would have to do eventually. Even your special spell can only hold off the damage for so long love. Don’t- don’t make it harder than it has to be for me….please.”

“I don’t want to make it harder on you William! But it hurts….you have to know how much it hurts…” Diana sobbed.

Spencer made to move towards the sitting room where his parents were, but Thomas stopped him and drew him along towards the entrance with an arm wrapped comfortingly around his shaking shoulders of the younger boy.

“What are they talking about Thomas? They’re scaring me….do you think mom is alright?” Spencer asked shakily.

“I’m sure they’ll be fine Spencer. It’s just grown up stuff. You’ll understand when you’re older,” Thomas said with a sad expression on his face as he rubbed soothing circles on the younger boy’s shoulders.

Within the sitting room, William moved to gather his distraught wife in his arms, careful not to touch her skin.

“I know love…I know…just like it hurts to know that the only reason I can even touch you is that you have been with someone else. Maybe you can find another spell…..a better spell to stave off the damage and prevent you from burning me”

“If only we didn’t love each other so much,” lamented Diana with a watery smile. “Okay I’ll look into the spell...call a few of my old contacts on the White Council,” Diana continued, straightening and wiping away her tears.

William frowned at the mention of the White Council of wizards which had wanted nothing to do with Diana since she had taken up with William.

“Don’t frown like that. I still have a few good contacts on the Council that might be able to help. You know Ebenezar has always been a friend,” Diana said, smoothing the lines in her husband’s face with her glove covered fingers.

“Yes, and I’m not sure how I feel about being so friendly with Ebenezar Blackstaff McCoy--the hitman of the White Council.”

“Be nice William….you know he’s always been helpful.”

“Fine, fine…..we should probably not be talking about these things here where Spencer might hear us,” William said, looking around uncertainly as though expecting his son to pop out of the shadows.

“That’s something I don’t agree with….you know that. I don’t want this life for him. I want him to have as normal a life as he can have. We should tell him the truth about his heritage.”

“Maybe you’re right Diana. Maybe the way the Raith’s do things isn’t the best. We’ll tell him.”

“Soon William….it has to be soon…he’s getting curious already.”

“Yes, alright we’ll tell him on his next birthday. How does that sound?”

“Okay. Your word on that husband.”

“You have my word. I will explain it all to him on his next birthday,” William said, pressing a quick kiss to her gloved hand before turning and leaving the room.

Shortly after that, Spencer slipped into the room to see his mother staring off into space, an expression of great sadness on her face. He crept into her lap and hugged her.

“Are you okay mom? I heard shouting….” He faltered burying his face in her neck.

“I’m fine baby, we’re both fine. It’s just grown up stuff, you’ll understand when you’re older,” She said holding her son close, “Come on, I’ll read to you for a while and then we can go eat some of that lovely cake cook made for us. What do you say?”

“Yes please, I’ll go bring  _ Le Morte d'arthur,” _ Spencer said as he sprinted off, troubles forgotten already.

Diana smiled as she watched her son run to get his favorite book, wishing she had some of that resilience and could push her troubles away as easily.

**October 1990**

   William Raith was not looking forward to this conversation. He really didn’t want to have to explain to his hyper rational son that magic and monsters were real and that he was one of them. Besides, he was going against family policy in telling his son anything, but he agreed with Diana that he wanted a normal life for his son, or as normal as possible. He fidgeted nervously as he waited for his son to join him in his study.

“Dad, you wanted to see me?” Spencer said as he entered the room.

“Yes, yes…sit down son,” William said, moving things around on his desk nervously as he tried to figure out how to begin.

Spencer sat down opposite his father and waited patiently for him to begin. He had guessed that it was something important that had been a long time coming.

“Um…yes…Your mother and I think it is important that you know some of the family secrets now that you’re older,” William began uncertainly.

“You mean like magic is real and so are the monsters?” Spencer said, perking up excitedly. Maybe he would finally get all his questions answered.

“You-you know about that?”

“Come on dad, I’m not a baby anymore. Thomas doesn’t come here just for chemistry lessons like you keep telling me. He comes here so mom can teach him magic,” Spencer said, looking shifty as he confessed, “I may have spied on a session of theirs…..I was curious.”

“You what? ...ok, never mind that now. It actually makes things a little easier to explain,” William said, pinching the bridge of his nose as he stared at his son, making the boy squirm in his seat.

“Anyway, as you’ve seen, your mother is a witch and her family were all witches and wizards, which means you may have some magical talent which will manifest around puberty,” William said to an excited Spencer, who looked delighted at the thought that he might be able to do magic.

“My side of the family is a bit more complicated, son,” William said looking uncomfortable. He really didn’t want to be having this conversation with his prepubescent son, but Diana felt strongly about this and he didn’t disagree with her in principle, so he would just have to go ahead and do it.

“We are White Court vampires, we feed on the psychic energies of humans. Our house--the Raiths--feed on lust while the Malvoras feed on fear and Skavis feed on despair.”

“What do you mean vampires?...you-you’re a monster?”

William winced a little at his son’s question. “I suppose you could say that. We are almost immortal since we can heal most injuries except fatal ones if we can feed soon after. And we age very slowly if at all. Wizards and witches like you mother also age slowly compared to other mortals and can live a couple of centuries, but we live much longer. For example, my brother Lord Raith has been in his prime for centuries.”

“Am I a monster, too?” Spencer asked in a small voice.

“No-no son…You were born with the monster -  your Hunger – but if the first time you have sex is with someone you love who loves you back then the Hunger is suppressed and you become mortal. That’s what I hope will happen with you. So you need to be careful there son, because if you don’t love them or they don’t love you then you will feed on them unrestrained during sex and generally kill them.”

“Oh,” Spencer said, his mind rapidly filtering all the facts he had just learned and coming to its own conclusions. “So is that why mom is always fully covered?”

“Your mother and I love each other very much, which brings with it a lot of challenges. Love...true love is painful to us White Court vampires. Touching someone who has been touched by true love or an object infused with true love like a wedding ring burns us. That’s why I can’t touch your mother’s skin.”

“What happens if you don’t feed on love? You can eat regular food….I’ve seen you,” Spencer asked

“If you starve the Hunger for too long it takes over and then you feed and kill indiscriminately till it’s satisfied. Which is why taking a little at a time from different people is necessary to keep the Hunger in check,” William said, wincing inwardly at the question he hoped his son wouldn’t ask him.

“So Thomas is a vampire too? He has to feed just like you?” Spencer asked and William breathed a sigh of relief at the thought that he had dodged a bullet.

“Yes, he is. Lord Raith’s family policy is that you find out about the supernatural after your first kill. Your mother and I don’t want that life for you so we’re telling you this now. The way you are going you’ll be in high school in a year or so and we wanted you to know these things before that. I suppose I don’t have to tell you not to mention this conversation to anyone other than your mother? It would not be good for any of us if Lord Raith found out you knew,” William said, looking at his son with pride and fondness.

“Okay, thanks, dad….can I get magic lessons from mom too. I know I don’t have power yet but I can learn the theory….please dad?” Spencer begged, knowing that this was the best time to ask something that he’d been waiting the better part of the year to ask.

Chuckling fondly, William agreed provided it was alright with his mother, and Spencer raced off to demand ‘magic’ lessons from his mother.

**July 1992**

Spencer had been having lessons on the theory and practice of magic for more than a year now. At first, Diana had needed to teach him the basics; but he had soon caught up and progressed so he could have his lessons with Thomas. He still couldn’t perform the spells himself since his powers had not manifested like his cousin, but he was much better at the theory than even his mother at times. Spencer loved magic and poured over every magical tome and grimoire he could get his hands on. He was so looking forward to the day he would finally be able to perform spells, and the best part was that his vampire heritage meant that technology would not go haywire around him like it did his mother.

Spencer had noticed how his cousin Thomas had been growing sadder and sadder each visit and how the visits and lessons were growing more and more infrequent, and he wished there was something he could do. He was hesitant to tell his cousin he knew about the Hunger demon that lived inside him because he knew that his father had gone against Lord Raith by telling him, and there might be serious consequences if anyone found out that he knew. But somehow Spencer always felt that his secrets would be safe with Thomas as it always seemed to him that his cousin had more than a few secrets of his own. He finally decided to corner his cousin and find out what was wrong after today’s lesson since he could see that Thomas’s sadness only seemed to be getting worse as time went by. To that end, as soon as the lesson was over he dragged Thomas off to his rooms on the pretext of having a new experiment to show him. Once there he turned to his cousin and decided to ask straight out.

“What’s wrong, Thomas? Don’t say nothing…I’ve noticed something’s wrong with you lately. You’re always sad, but it’s been worse lately. Tell me….please. Maybe I can’t help but I can listen,” Spencer pleaded as he watched his cousin fidgeting and refusing to meet his eyes.

“It-it’s nothing Spencer. You’re too young to understand,” Thomas said, trying to brush it off.

“No…you will talk to me. Is it about the fact that you are a vampire? Tell me, please.”

“How-how do u know? You’re not supposed to know.”

“Um…..okay you can’t tell anyone…”

“I won’t…”

“Dad told me last year…told me all about the Hunger and the family politics and what I’m supposed to avoid….like anyone is actually interested in me…heh…anyway, mom and he don’t want me to become an incubus so they told me since I’m starting high school in the fall.”

“Wow! Way to go Uncle William! And Spencer….high school already? Good job kid….I didn't realize it was so soon….and you’re too young to think of things like that….take it from me. You wait till you are 18 at least…you hear?”

“Fine…..fine…it’s not like they’re lining up to date me anyway. I’m too nerdy and too much of a know-it-all for anyone to find me dateable,” Spencer said, grimacing at the thought of the names the kids in his most exclusive private school called him.

“They’re not giving you a hard time in school are they?” Thomas asked sharply.

“No-no…nothing like that…just name calling. I’m spared the worst by the mere fact that I’m a Raith,” Spencer said, waving off his concern.

“Good, that’s good. You will tell me if it gets worse, right?”

“Yes…fine…I’ll tell you. Now quit stalling and tell me what’s been bothering you,” Spencer said pointedly.

“It’s not easy being a monster, Spencer. I really don’t want this to ever happen to you. Controlling the Hunger…..the demon inside you….it’s a constant struggle. I guess it’s not so bad for people like my father who don’t care if they’re monsters, but I really don’t want to be that kind of monster, Spencer…..I really don’t,” Thomas said sadly.

“Hey, you’re not a monster. You-you’re just my geeky cousin Thomas who helps me with my experiments and has never made fun of me for being smart,” Spencer said, moving closer and placing a comforting hand on his cousin’s shoulder.

“You-you don’t know the things I’ve done…the things the demon wants me to do.”

“I know you’ve killed someone…your first time…but I also know you well enough to know that that was the only time you took a life to satisfy the Hunger. You are a good person cousin; don’t beat yourself up so much.”

“Thanks, Spencer. I appreciate that ” Thomas said, smiling sadly at his young cousin, “When did you get so wise, little one?” he continued with a small laugh.

“I’ve always been wise beyond my years. You’re only noticing it now?” Spencer said, putting on a snooty expression before bursting into giggles, which caused Thomas to start laughing as well.

When they managed to gain control of themselves Spencer noted there was a new lightness in his cousin and he was happy that he could help bring it about.

“So, are you like me then? One vampire parent, one witch parent?” Spencer asked

“Yes. My mother was Margaret LeFay. She was a fairly infamous witch. I believe my father killed her like he killed all his other brood mares,” Thomas said, a pained expression on his face.

“She was very beautiful and she loved me….I think. She gave me this on my fifth birthday,” Thomas continued, drawing out a silver pentacle amulet attached to a chain around his neck.

“Oh…nice. The symbol of witchcraft. Do you know it symbolizes the elements held within the perfect control of the circle? Magic at its best,” Spencer said excitedly.

“Yes, I did know that. I was listening too when Aunt Diana was talking,” Thomas said, laughing at his young cousin’s enthusiasm. He always found the youngster a breath of fresh air and was always grateful that Spencer remained untouched by the ugliness of White Court politics.

“Is that all you wanted to talk about or do you actually have a new experiment to show me?” Thomas asked, ruffling the younger boy’s hair.

“Oh…..oh yeah I have a new one I wanted to try with you. Come on!” Spencer said, dragging Thomas into his lab where the two of them spent a happy couple of hours messing around with chemicals till Thomas had to leave.

*******************

A couple of days later Spencer was sitting in the library reading when he heard an explosion coming from his mother’s workroom. Terrified of what he would find, he dropped his book and raced towards it. The cook grabbed him and held him, preventing him from entering the room while his father and the housekeeper went in first to see what had happened. As the smoke cleared, William saw Diana crumpled against the wall at the far end where the explosion had clearly thrown her. He rushed towards her and tried to revive her, his gloved hands running over her face and checking for a pulse. Frustrated by his inability to feel a pulse through the gloves, he allowed the housekeeper to check instead, very relieved when they found one. After checking for any obvious injuries he picked her up and carried her to her room with a very worried Spencer trailing along behind him.

Worried and uncertain, William sent word to Ebenezar McCoy about Diana’s accident and asked him to come and see if he could help. He also summoned the human doctor that the Court employed to take care of their human staff to check for non-magical injuries. When he re-entered Diana’s room after making his calls, he found Spencer sitting in a love seat near Diana’s bed looking terrified. He walked up to his son and put an arm around the boy.

“Hey, it’s going to be okay son. She’s going to be just fine,” he said, hoping against hope that he wouldn’t be proven a liar.

“You don’t know that, Dad. Why won’t she wake up? Make her wake up…please,” Spencer said, sounding for the first time in a long time like the frightened child he was.

“We’ll do our best to get her better. Don’t worry. Ebenezar is on his way. He should be able to help her,” William said in what he hoped was a reassuring way as he sat down next to his son. Holding the boy close in mutual comfort, they waited.

**********************************

The doctor came and ran as many tests as he could without moving Diana and without the imaging equipment that he usually relied on since it would only short out around the witch, and he couldn’t find any reason why she was still unconscious after several hours other than a possible concussion. And Ebenezar, when he showed, up wasn’t much help either. He went to Diana’s workroom and looked through her notes to figure out what kind of spell had backfired, causing the explosion. After several hours poring over her research and notes, he came back to her room to find William, a grim expression on his face.

“Best I can tell, she was trying to find a spell that would increase her psychic energies so she would not be drained no matter how often you fed from her,” the old wizard stated, an expression of distaste crossing his features as he mentioned the feeding.

“What does this mean for her? Will she wake up?” William asked, casting a worried glance at the door to his wife’s room.

“I don’t know Raith. This is new territory. Nobody messes with psychic energies without consequences. The best I can do is scan her for residual magic to see if it can be reversed.”

“Please. Anything you can do to help, I’d appreciate,” William pleaded.

Ebenezar walked into the room and smiled reassuringly at Spencer. He had a soft spot for the lad as he was such a bright and happy child. Scanning for residual magic didn’t help as any magic surrounding Diana had been absorbed too deeply to be reversed easily. Finally, the old wizard had to give up. He then recommended that Diana be admitted to the hospital so the wizard healers could take care of her.

Reluctantly William agreed and they moved her into the hospital. Spencer was heartbroken and retreated into himself, locking himself into his rooms and refusing to come out except for visits to the see his mother. Several weeks after the accident, Diana finally regained consciousness and William and Spencer were ecstatic. Despite the healers' warnings of possible long-term side effects of the spell backfiring, Diana seemed fine; and as they couldn’t find anything wrong she was discharged and went home to her very relieved husband and son.

As time went on, however, they noticed gaps in her memories and false memories in place of real ones; and Diana began showing increasingly erratic behavior and sudden bursts of violence. When she attacked Thomas during a visit, screaming about him being a demon from hell, it was the breaking point and Diana could no longer dismiss it as minor side effects. Luckily, Thomas was able to defend himself and restrain her without hurting his aunt or getting hurt himself.

The heartbroken expression on her nephew’s face and the memory of what she had said in her altered state broke her heart because she knew that Thomas would take those words to heart. She apologized profusely to Thomas and then had herself readmitted in the hospital for more tests, hoping that they could fix what was wrong. The healers ran every possible test they could think of and it became quickly evident that the effects of the spell were not reversible with her own witch rapid healing powers acting against her and renewing the damage every time someone tried to draw it out.

It broke William’s heart, but he and Diana decided that it was safer for everyone if she stayed in the hospital full-time where they could care for her and prevent her from hurting herself or someone else. Diana was terrified of hurting Spencer during one of her episodes and refused to consider being cared for at home by a live-in healer if one could be convinced to live in the home of a vampire. Spencer was devastated by this decision and blamed the whole thing on magic. He swore to himself that he would never perform magic again.

It took several years and much coaxing from Diana herself, who didn’t want to see her son lose his gift and his heritage from her before Spencer would be persuaded to learn magic again. Once his magic manifested, he insisted that Diana be the one to teach him to control it and use it. He visited his mother every weekend, even after he finished high school in a mere two years and entered Caltech to pursue degrees in chemistry and mathematics.

**February 2000**

Spencer was in love for the first time in his life. Her name was Kelly Smith and she was perfect with long, curly red hair and beautiful green eyes that shone with life and laughter. He had enjoyed Caltech immensely and had already obtained his doctorates in Chemistry and Mathematics. Being around so many people who could understand his leaps of knowledge even if they weren’t quite as smart as he was was a novel experience and he treasured it immensely. It was there, in his freshman Engineering class that he met Kelly. She was older than him by a few years and struggling with the curriculum and had asked him for his help. Spencer had been more than pleased to help her out as he thought she was very pretty, and he’d been dying to work up the courage to ask her out.

He helped her pass the course and when they got the results she kissed him, blushing prettily when they pulled away, and Spencer felt the first stirring of his demon telling him how easy it would be to capture this prey. Swiftly suppressing the demon like his father had taught him, he blushed and stammering asked her to dinner, to which she said yes. They had been dating ever since.

It had been six months now since they’d started dating and Spencer really thought that Kelly might be the one….the one to put his demon on ice for good. He was planning a romantic valentine’s day, and if everything went well he hoped they would take things to the next level in their relationship. Before Kelly, he had dated a few people of both sexes but had always broken it off before it got to sex because he remembered his father’s warning, and he really wanted that normal life his parents wanted for him as well. But he was sure that this was the one, the person who with her love would chain his demon for eternity and be his happy ever after, as corny as that sounded.

He shifted nervously as he waited for her with the limo before their date. He really hoped he didn’t mess things up and make a fool of himself. His worries and doubts all faded away as he watched her walk towards him, dressed in a short sparkly black dress with her hair pulled up in a bun, and all he could see was his beautiful Kelly. Spencer had managed to get the planetarium to themselves and had arranged a catered dinner for two to be served there. Kelly was charmed and delighted with the meal under the stars with ‘no chance of being rained on’ as she put it. After dinner, they strolled hand in hand towards Spencer’s apartment. It was only recently that he had taken to living alone there, until his eighteenth birthday his father had insisted on him having the housekeeper from their Vegas house stay with him to cook and clean and also act as a chaperone.

As soon as the door shut behind them Kelly smiled at Spencer and moved into his arms kissing him. The kisses quickly turned hungry with Spencer’s demon getting louder by the minute. Spencer just figured it was the Hunger’s last desperate attempt to gain control. As they kissed, they moved towards the bedroom, Kelly undressing him as they went until she pushed him down onto the bed in nothing but his boxers.

“I take it you’ve done this before,” Spencer said, smiling up at her.

“Ummm yes I have, but you look much better than he did,” Kelly said, raking her lust filled gaze down his nearly naked body, causing him to flush.

“I haven’t…….will that be a problem?” Spencer asked hesitantly, leaning up on his elbows, his skin flushing from the intensity of her gaze.

“Really? Never?”

“Never….It never went this far. I wanted to be sure that it was with the right person.”

“You are so sweet. I love you, Spencer. And, no it is not a problem at all,” Kelly said, unzipping her dress and stepping out of it, revealing that she was completely bare underneath. Spencer swallowed thickly at the sight of her rounded breasts and needy sex as she moved to straddle him, rubbing herself against his covered cock. Spencer groaned and bucked up into her.

“Don’t worry about a thing, Spencer. Just relax and enjoy,” she said, smiling predatorily. Spencer smiled back at her uncertainly and allowed her to hold his arms down against his legs even as she moved downwards, placing open-mouthed kisses and gentle, teasing nips across his chest and stomach as she went. When she reached his cock, she mouthed at it through his boxers before pulling them off and taking the tip into her mouth.

Spencer couldn’t help himself and he bucked into the warm depths surrounding him. Even as he apologized she took him further into her mouth, sucking and licking his flesh with apparent relish till he was moaning and writhing and all but fucking her mouth. When she felt he was close to coming she pulled off with a pop, grinned at him and straddled him.

She took him in her hand and slowly lowered herself onto his cock till he was fully sheathed in her heat, and then she began to ride him roughly, rolling her hips, squeezing her thighs, her breasts pressing against his chest. Spencer was overwhelmed by the sensations of her hot, wet tightness and fighting to do his best to curb his demon at the same time. As he felt her begin to spasm around him as she approached the precipice of her orgasm, he finally lost the battle with his Hunger and it roared free. The incubus came to the forefront, and his eyes began to emit a silvery glow as his body moved with a grace and strength it had previously not possessed. He grasped her hips in an iron grip and twisted them till she lay beneath him; and he began to thrust into her hard and unrelenting, his Hunger feeding on her energy like a starved thing. He fed and fed all the while fucking into her, chasing his own release till he finally came with a cry of triumph.

When Spencer came down from his high he could feel the Hunger roaring with pleasure in his head and he saw the limp, lifeless form of his first love beneath him. Looking into her unseeing eyes broke him in ways he would never even begin to heal from.

“No, nononono! Please! Please don’t be dead! Please don’t be dead…. It’s not true….it can’t be. I love you! I love you so much! It’s not possible….  _ Please!! _ ” Spencer cried as he shook her limp form, finally gathering it close to his chest and cradling her. He stayed there holding her and rocking as tears ran down his cheeks. That was how Thomas found him the next morning when he came to check on him as he usually did a couple of times a month.

“Oh, Spencer….Oh, no…my poor little cousin…..I wish this hadn’t happened to you,” Thomas said as he gently pulled him away from the dead girl and into his arms. Spencer buried his face in the older man’s chest and cried out his heartbreak and self-loathing. Thomas let him cry himself to sleep and then picked him up and tucked him into bed in the guest bedroom. He then called in the family cleaners to help cover up the girl’s death and prevent suspicion from falling on Spencer. He also called his uncle as even asleep he could feel the stirring of the new-born incubus within Spencer and he knew that his uncle was the best person to help Spencer understand it and control it, as well as help him through his pain.

By the time the cleaners were leaving an hour later William drove up to the apartment and let himself in.

“Did you know he was serious about someone?” William asked his nephew.

“No, I didn’t even know he was dating someone. He kept it quiet,” Thomas answered. They were talking in whispers so as not to wake Spencer up.

“Damn, poor kid, this is going to hurt,” Thomas continued, casting a glance at the room where Spencer was sleeping.

“Yes, he’s gonna have to come to terms with being a vampire now and also the fact that no matter how much he loved her she clearly didn’t love him enough. I don’t think he would have slept with her no matter the temptation unless he was absolutely sure of his feelings. And on top of all that, he’s also going to have to come to terms with the fact that he’s killed the girl he loved. Great, just great. If that bitch wasn’t dead already I’d kill her myself for doing this to my boy,” William ranted.

“There goes his innocence. I really hoped when he told me he knew the family secret that he would escape this, but I guess fate had other ideas,” Thomas said.

“You knew? That I told him?”

“Yeah, a few years now. He swore me to secrecy. Don’t worry, the secret’s safe with me. Doesn’t matter now anyway, though,” Thomas said with a defeated sigh, which William couldn’t help echoing as they looked towards the sleeping Spencer. “Did you contact the witch for the memory alterations around campus?” William asked.

“Yeah, she’s on her way. It should be done by tonight. The last thing he needs is a police investigation," Thomas said.

“I really wish he had told one of us about this or introduced her to one of us. We could have told him for sure if she was the one or not.”

“Yeah, but you know him…..he’s so private about everything. Getting him to talk about himself is like pulling teeth.”

“Yeah,” sighed William as he walked towards his son and sat down next to him, gently running his fingers through his hair. There was a rough road ahead for the young incubus as he came to terms with his demon and the fact that he had hurt someone he loved.

**Feb 2000 - April 2003**

The past few years had been hard on Spencer. After his transformation into a full-blooded incubus, Spencer had taken a couple of years off from school to learn to control his Hunger and how to feed efficiently without taking too much from his victims. He also had to come to terms with the marked change in the behavior of people towards him. It was as though just one look at him gave people all sorts of bad ideas.

At first, he had been doing his best not to feel anything and to bury the night with Kelly deep and forget about it. He had reveled in his new attractiveness, feeding from anyone and everyone he met. His father had taken him to meet with the rest of the Raith’s and to teach him the inner workings of the family. He had met Thomas’s sisters and his other Raith cousins.

For the first year, he had learned the manipulations and politics of the White Court from his Raith cousins even as he shut his father and Thomas out of his life. His own perception of his guilt from what had happened with Kelly made it hard for him to face either man, especially as he believed that they were very disappointed in him.

Lord Raith was very pleased with his nephew and encouraged him to spend as much time with Lara and Thomas’s other sisters as possible. Lara took him to various clubs and parties sponsored by the White Court where he would find a few willing victims to feed his insatiable Hunger. He learned from her the ease of manipulation of his prey to get them to do whatever he wanted. He also learned to feed from just a touch or a kiss.

William tried repeatedly to reach out to his son and get him to talk to him, to come back and visit his mother at least who was now living at home with her own healer looking after her since her condition had stabilized enough for that. It wasn’t till Spencer saw Lara draining a man of his life force just because she could and the human had disobeyed her that he realized just how far he had gone down the path of power and manipulation in the Court, and he slowly began to distance himself from them. Thomas noticed this distancing and took his opportunity to try and get through to the younger man finally dragging him back home to visit his parents.

When a very reluctant Spencer finally went home, he was overwhelmed with emotions and everything he had been suppressing for the past year came to the surface all at once. He burst into tears and cried in Diana’s arms when he saw her, and she could do nothing more than hold her heartbroken son close and wish there was something she could have done to fix it for him. After the very emotional reunion with his mother and only slightly less emotional meeting with his father where neither parent offered him anything but their love, Spencer decided to stay home for a while longer. He also started dressing down to help blend into the background so people’s reaction to him was mitigated.

Finally, Diana got tired of his moping around the house and only leaving occasionally to feed, so she applied to MIT for him to finish his engineering doctorate there. When the acceptance letter came, she practically kicked him out of the house and told him that while she respected his decision not to join the family business, the best thing he could do would be to get himself a purpose in life. So Spencer went to MIT to work on his doctorate, which he would be finishing in just a few months.

Meanwhile, he was back at Caltech to collect some of his certificates and documentation as he had changed his name officially to Reid, his mother’s maiden name. William supported his break with the Raiths and dropping the name so Spencer could move forward without the family interfering. He had not yet decided what he would be doing next. He had an idea that robotics might be an interesting subject to look into next, but he was still undecided.

As he waited in the office for the clerk to get his documentation together, Spencer saw the poster for a seminar on profiling. The idea that a few clues could tell you a lot about a person intrigued Spencer and he decided to attend the lecture.

As he entered the lecture hall, Spencer spotted the person giving the lecture, Jason Gideon, on the podium. He had done some quick research before attending the lecture as it was not in his nature to attend a lecture without preparing for it so he knew who Gideon was and that he was one of the founders of the BAU, or Behavioural Analysis Unit of the FBI, which studied and analysed serial criminals to help catch them. The tall dark-haired man standing next to Gideon caught Spencer’s eye for his stoic looks and commanding presence, and he wondered who he was.

The lecture, which delved into the ways in which the little things left at a crime scene could help catch a serial killer, and the examples Gideon provided really interested Spencer. Profiling sounded like something he might like doing, so Spencer decided to stick around after the lecture and talk to Gideon.  He hung back and let everyone else who wanted to speak to FBI agent leave and then walked up to them still exuding his ‘don’t look at me’ aura as always and was surprised to note that the dark-haired man with Gideon was staring at him despite that. He returned the look for a couple of seconds and then ducked his head and turned to Gideon.

“You are the one who asked about the comparison between gambling tells and someone lying to you,” Gideon said as he approached extending his hand to shake Spencer’s which the young genius did despite his reluctance to touch as he quickly noted the lack of a ring on the older profiler’s hands and took a chance.

“Spencer Reid….ummm Dr. Spencer Reid.” He said and couldn’t help how his eyes shifted to the dark-haired man next to Gideon for a second. He had felt those eyes on him from the moment he started moving towards the podium and the heat and desire he had noted in them had made his Hunger very happy with the possibility of easy prey.

“Oh this is SSA Aaron Hotchner my second in command at the BAU,” Gideon said looking intrigued by the young man standing in front of him who appeared to be extremely intelligent and insightful. He was already wondering how he could entice the younger man to join the FBI.

“Hello, ” Spencer said waving vaguely at the other agent and refusing to meet his eyes as he could feel how close to the surface the Hunger was and how much it wanted this man. He had not felt the Hunger this strongly in a long time and he wondered at it even as he resolved to go out and satiate it so before he left to go back to Boston.

“I was wondering about your unit and how you go about joining,” Spencer said deciding to be as direct as possible.

“If I may ask, what is your doctorate in?” Gideon inquired trying to keep his glee in check.

“Oh I have two in Mathematics and Chemistry and I’m just finishing up one in Engineering in a couple of months,” Spencer said shifting from foot to foot nervously and looking determinedly at Gideon to prevent his gaze from straying to the man next to him.

“You’re young to have three Ph.D.’s. A genius then?” Gideon said even more delighted with this news.

“I don’t believe that intelligence can be quantified, but I do have an eidetic memory and IQ of 187 and can read 20,000 words per minute,” Spencer said to a dumbfounded Gideon.

“But you’re not a genius.” A deep voice drawled sarcastically and Spencer looked up to see an amused smile on the Agent Hotchner’s face and he felt his Hunger howling as he noted the deep dimples and sexy smirk.

Spencer blushed and ducked his head as he struggled to chain his Hunger for the time being.

“You would need to apply to the FBI first and enter the academy. But I think I can convince the top brass to make some exceptions for you if you are really interested. Why don’t you send me your resume and we’ll see what we can do. Here’s my card it has my number and e-mail address on it.” Gideon said even as he was packing up to leave.

And that’s how Spencer found himself moving into dorms at the FBI building in Quantico 3 months after the seminar.


	2. The Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer joins the FBI

_ The higher you build walls around your heart, the harder you fall when someone tears them down. _

_ —Unknown _

**February 2004**

It had been a rough few months but his training was finally done. Being a Raith might not be easy in terms of family and supernatural politics but Spencer had to admit that if not for his childhood bodyguards and their insistence that he learn to defend himself he might not have made it through the training. As it was he had barely made it through his gun qualification without using his vampire strength and reflexes. He didn’t want to use his strength in training as he knew that Lord Raith would not approve and he might get his father and himself into trouble with the head of the White Court, and besides, it somehow felt like cheating to use his strength against mortals.

He had also managed to finish a B.A. in Psychology at Georgetown while doing the training, and he had another in Sociology that he would be finishing in the next few months. Since he’d entered the academy, Gideon had been a very encouraging mentor; and the man had been positively gleeful when he’d managed to get Spencer assigned directly to his unit of the BAU without needing the usual probationary period. Spencer would be doing his probationary period with the BAU under Gideon and in a year would be given the title Supervisory Special Agent.

It had been difficult with his punishing schedule to find time to feed properly and there had been times when he’d had to make do with ‘snacks’ as it were from some of the other trainees since he couldn’t afford to do more than that and reveal himself to the humans. Whenever he was exceptionally Hungry, he thought of the dark-haired agent with Gideon. For some reason that he couldn’t fathom, his Hunger had focused itself on the delectable Agent Hotchner.

Today was his first day as a full-fledged FBI agent and he was both nervous and excited. He’d had a call from Thomas that morning congratulating him on his graduation from the academy and teasing him about being the first person in the family to become a lawman. The idea of his little cousin as an FBI agent seemed to amuse the older vampire a lot.

His father had come down earlier in the week with the intention of getting the family apartment in DC cleaned and ready for his son to move into once he left the dorms, but Spencer refused, and instead father and son went house-hunting till the young genius found an apartment that suited his needs. William was very proud of his son and all he had achieved entirely on his own without the use of the family name and insisted on buying the apartment for his son as a graduation present.

As the lift doors opened on the floor housing the BAU, Spencer got out and noticed a well-built black man flirting with a group of women in front of the double doors leading into the bullpen. He pushed past them, pretending not to notice the looks thrown his way as he walked towards the offices on the second level where he could see Gideon waiting for him.

“Reid it’s good to see you. Ready to start work then?” Gideon asked, smiling genially at the younger man. “Come on, I’ll introduce you to the team,” he continued, leading him up the stairs to the conference room even as Spencer saw the well-built man from before enter the room behind them and take a seat at the table. There were a couple of agents already seated at the table along with Agent Hotchner. Spencer smiled uncertainly at the people in the room, refusing to meet anybody’s eyes. He had long since realized that it made him less likely to attract unwanted attention if he just didn’t make eye-contact, and it also helped keep his Hunger in check.

“These are SSA’s Derek Morgan, Lloyd Clark, Bobby Jennings and you know SSA Hotchner. Everyone, this is Dr. Spencer Reid,” Gideon said, introducing Spencer to the team. 

Spencer waved vaguely and gave them a faint smile as he took the seat that Gideon indicated.

“Since we are all here now let’s get started shall we?” Gideon continued, beginning to detail the most recent consult that had been brought to him. They went round the table discussing the various cases that had been brought to each of them to consult on and see if they could come up with any new ideas or angles to help solve the cases. It seemed that Gideon was the sink or swim type of boss. Spencer was determined not to disappoint him.

Occasionally he could feel the eyes of Agent Hotchner, or ‘Hotch’ as he had been invited to call him, roaming over him; but he never looked up to meet those deep chocolate eyes. The way his new teammate was staring at him, his Hunger was screaming at him that it would be inevitable that they would sleep together and he should just give in to it; but Spencer wanted to put it off as much as possible as he couldn't afford to damage their working relationship.

His first week at the BAU was uneventful with Spencer catching up with cold cases and giving Gideon or Hotch a rundown of his findings. His teammates didn’t seem to know what to make of him, and they mostly left him to himself with the exception of some light teasing from Morgan about his three Ph.Ds.; but even he didn’t seem to know what to make of him and left him alone.

Spencer found a convenient club near his new apartment which was a good place for him to find willing humans to feed off and he found that feeding off them at least once a week helped him to control his Hunger better when he was at work, especially around a certain dark-haired agent.

Around the beginning of his second week at the BAU, they caught a case and most of the team traveled, but Gideon decided that Spencer would be better off working from the office and left him behind. Spencer got the impression that the team had little to no confidence in his skills in the field and didn’t want him watching their backs. It hurt, but he wasn’t sure what he could do to change it. 

A few months passed this way and then Gideon had to go for a particularly tricky custodial visit and left Hotch in charge. As luck would have it, they got a call about a hacker that the FBI wanted to recruit in California and Hotch decided to take Spencer and Morgan along to catch the hacker since it promised to be a job with minimal danger.  They were prepared to offer her a deal: forgo prison time to work for the FBI. The hacker turned out to be a flamboyant woman who amused and impressed Hotch with her forthright nature; and since it was Spencer’s suggestions that had helped them find her and get her to cooperate, Hotch and Morgan were impressed. Gideon was also pleased with his performance and allowed the genius to travel with them more often. These travel opportunities increased again when the team got a new media liaison in the form of one Jennifer Jareau, or JJ, as she was called.

The first case where Spencer was allowed to travel with the team he nearly emptied the contents of his stomach right there. The dead woman reminded him so much of Kelly, especially with the mud giving her dark hair a red tint. He controlled himself with great difficulty and rattled off a few facts to help himself calm down further when he was introduced to the detective on the scene.

The feelings were hitting him particularly hard as he couldn’t help but identify with the killer who apparently felt remorse for his kills and buried his victims face down. He considered telling Darcy’s father about his daughter, a form of penance for Kelly and the fact that he had not gotten to apologize to her parents for what he had done to their daughter.

He still had mixed feelings when it came to Kelly, guilt at causing her death and anger at her for all her lies and manipulations that he’d only noticed after the fact--and with a lot of help from his father and Thomas. The young genius doubted that after what had happened with Kelly he would ever be able to trust anyone enough to fall in love with them, and he believed that was for the best. After all, look at what being in love had done to his parents.

The case was grueling and ended with the UnSub in a coma, which was not the best possible outcome. The chase and subsequent fall of the UnSub left Spencer Hungry and shaking with the residual adrenaline, and he retreated to the restroom to gather his thoughts. No sooner had he walked in and turned on the tap then Hotch came barging in, took one look at him and locked the door of the room behind him. Before he knew what was happening, the older man was crowding him against the sinks and kissing him hard, all teeth and tongues and no finesse at all. It was exactly what Spencer needed in that moment, and he responded in kind, his Hunger roaring in triumph at finally landing this particular prey.

Spencer brought his hand up to thread it in the short dark hair of the older man holding him in place as he devoured him. Plunging his tongue into the moist depths of the other man’s mouth, he proceeded to map it out, drinking in Aaron’s passion with every thrust of his tongue into the other man’s mouth. Aaron finally staggered back a little light-headed and Spencer crowded him back against the wall and sank to his knees, being careful not to meet his bosses dark eyes since he knew that his own eyes would be glowing silvery and he didn’t want to spook Hotch.

The young vampire made quick work of Aaron’s belt and zipper, pushing both pants and underwear down to release the older profiler’s hard cock to his gaze. Spencer groaned at the sight of the older man’s thick uncut cock. Licking his lips in anticipation, he shifted forward to take the tip into his mouth, licking it like a lollipop, dipping his pointed tongue beneath the tempting skin hiding his prize.

He moaned at the pure taste of him before pulling off with a pop, causing Hotch to groan and bang his head back against the wall. The younger man then proceeded to lick long, languid stripes up the thick cock from base to tip. His Hunger was whispering to him all the things he could do to drive the other man insane with need and keep him coming back for more. The benefits of being an incubus were that he could always tell exactly what to do to best please his lovers.

Aaron didn’t know what it was about the younger man, but he had not been able to stop thinking about him since they had first met all those months before. Despite his best efforts he had found himself very attracted to the beautiful young genius who had tried unsuccessfully to hide himself beneath all those ugly cardigans and ill-fitting clothes. The chase today had left him with an excess of adrenaline and when he had seen Spencer enter the restroom alone, he had not been able to help himself and had followed. He was probably going to regret this but he couldn’t find it in himself to care right at this moment when Spencer was doing amazing things to his dick.

Spencer drew his own erection out of his pants and started stroking himself even as he drew Aaron out of his thoughts by mouthing at his balls, taking one into his mouth and gently sucking on it before moving to the other and giving it the same attention, laving it with his greedy tongue. Aaron’s fingers sank into the messy hair of the younger man, tugging gently and causing thrills to run down Spencer’s spine.

“Fuck….Spencer.”

Spencer then moved back to that delicious cock, tonguing the slit before dipping in to taste the drop of precum waiting for him before taking the whole of it into his mouth. Aaron could feel Spencer swallowing around the head of his cock as it pressed to the back of his throat, and it was driving him to the brink faster than he had ever been before. A few more passes of Spencer’s tongue and Aaron was coming down the throat of the younger man with a shout that he feebly tried to muffle by shoving his hand into his mouth. He knew that he would probably have bite marks on his hand, but right this second he didn’t care.

The young incubus swallowed everything the other man offered him before releasing his cock and sinking back to the floor where he quickly brought himself off with a few quick, desperate strokes. Hotch was mesmerized by the sight of the younger man bringing himself to completion and he sank to the floor, suddenly feeling weak and unable to hold himself up anymore as he stared at Spencer.

Spencer sighed and leaned his head back against the sink. He had not fed like that in a long time and he couldn’t help but think that that was what had caused Hotch to be drawn to him like a moth to a flame today. 

Slowly he opened his eyes to find Hotch staring at him with a strange expression on his face. There was still lust in the other man’s eyes, but there was something else as well which Spencer couldn’t quite identify.

Dropping his eyes, he stood and held out a hand, helping the other man up. Quickly rinsing his mouth and splashing water on his face to calm himself, Spencer refused to meet the other man’s eyes as he fled. Hotch was shocked at how much it hurt that Spencer had just left without a word so soon after giving him an orgasm that still had him weak in the knees. He supposed he deserved it since he had essentially attacked the younger man, but Spencer had definitely reciprocated. Feeling slightly guilty and hurt, he resolved to talk to the younger man at the earliest opportunity and clear the air. After all, they had to work together and they couldn’t afford to screw that up.

Spencer spent the next few days avoiding Hotch as much as he could and making sure that they were never left alone together. He made sure he fed regularly to prevent his Hunger from taking control again when he was at work. When it came to work he was as professional as he could be, suppressing all the awkward feelings and behaving as if nothing had happened; and eventually, Hotch took the hint and gave up trying to talk to him even though it hurt him to be dismissed so easily.

***********************************

Some months later, Spencer heard from his father that Thomas was no longer under the family’s protection and had essentially been kicked out with no money and no place to stay. He was worried about his cousin, especially since the events surrounding Thomas’s exile were shrouded in mystery and he had heard that Thomas was now living with Harry Dresden, who he had heard through the family grapevine was a very dangerous wizard. As luck would have it, the team caught a case in Joliet, IL providing him an opportunity to visit his cousin.

After clearing it with Gideon, the young profiler borrowed one of the bureau’s SUV’s and drove to Chicago. Before he left he had changed out of his work clothes into tight fitting jeans and a t-shirt with a leather jacket--clothes more fitting to a White Court vampire since he was going into a town where the family had a rather large presence. A couple of calls to his cousin’s answering service and he was able to finally get in touch with Thomas and arrange to meet him for lunch. As he was drawing into the parking spot for the restaurant he spotted Thomas with a tall man who he supposed was Dresden. Sighing at the thought of what being around a wizard would do to his brand new phone he turned it off and decided to watch them for a while before joining them; the incubus wanted to have some idea of what their relationship was before he met the man he had heard so much about.

The young profiler was struck by how easy Thomas seemed to be around Dresden. If he didn’t know that Thomas was completely straight, an oddity in their family, he would have wondered if they were sleeping together. Besides, Thomas wouldn’t do that to Justine--his long-time girlfriend--and he hadn’t heard of anything happening to her, so he paid closer attention to the two men even as he moved closer, eavesdropping a little on their conversation.

“I don’t like this. Why would he want to meet now? What does he want from you?” Harry growled, causing Thomas to roll his eyes.

“As I’ve been telling you for the past couple of hours, Spencer is my little cousin. A cousin I actually like. I’m sure he just wants to make sure I’m fine seeing as I’m living with you, the infamous Harry Dresden,” Thomas replied, causing Harry to smirk at the mention of his reputation in the White Court.

“Are you sure though? You know Lara isn’t beyond getting someone else to do her dirty work,” Dresden said, eyes darting all around, looking for potential trouble.

“Since when did you turn into a mother-hen? Spencer is like a little brother to me. His parents are actually nice people. His mother is a witch too, just like mine.”

“Ours,” Harry corrected. “And like a little brother, huh?” he continued, feeling a small pang of jealousy and loss at the time they had lost at not knowing about the other’s existence.

“You are Margaret Le Fay’s son, too?” Spencer burst out, coming up to the brothers while being unable to hide his surprise.

Harry jerked in surprise and turned to see a beautiful young man--the kind who gave anyone bad ideas. Very naughty, bad ideas.

“Spencer,” Thomas greeted with a smile, moving to hug his cousin.

“Hello, Thomas. So what is this about him being your brother?” Spencer asked, returning his hug.

“Ah, yes. I would appreciate it if you kept that little bit of information to yourself, what with the war between the wizards, the White Council and the vampire Courts,” Thomas said, looking uncomfortable.

“So he is your mother’s son? Different fathers, I presume?” Spencer persisted.

“Yeah, we are our mother’s sons,” Thomas said. “So how have you been little cousin?” Thomas asked shifting the conversation. “Spencer here is an FBI agent. Goes by Spencer Reid since he wants nothing to do with the Raith name. And who could blame him?” Thomas said wryly to Harry, looking proudly at his young cousin.

“FBI agent huh? I had some trouble with a few of those a few years back,” Dresden said, still wary of the younger man.

“Yes I think I saw it on TV, the wolf belts wasn’t it? Bit before my time. I only joined the bureau a few months ago,” Spencer said

Harry nodded in agreement as Thomas continued to boast about his young cousin’s achievements. “Spencer here is the smart one in the family. Two...or is it three Ph.D.’s and several bachelor’s degrees? That’s why the FBI recruited him. He helps catch serial killers you know. Of the human variety.”

Spencer blushed at the praise and moved the topic of conversation back to Thomas and the reasons that he was now living with Harry as they had their meal.

Thomas could not tell him much more than he already knew, but Spencer was satisfied that Thomas was safe enough with Harry so they had a companionable meal together and Harry even began to loosen up towards Spencer. After the meal, they decided to walk towards the place where Harry had parked his car and the wizard couldn’t help noticing all the appreciative looks Spencer was getting from both men and women. He was used to Thomas getting looks, but that was usually restricted to women.

“Stars and stones! I thought super vamp here was bad, but you attract twice as much attention don’t you?!” Harry exclaimed, staring at Spencer in amusement, causing the younger man to blush--which only increased the wizards amusement.

“Uh, yeah….I might be a little Hungry right now. It’s been a while and the last case was quite intense…so,” Spencer mumbled, embarrassed as he rubbed the back of his neck, causing Thomas to smile at younger man’s discomfiture.

“Heh. I didn’t know you could embarrass an incubus so easily,” Harry said, chuckling to himself. Spencer just blushed and ducked his head, using his hair to hide his face. Thomas reached up and tousled his chestnut curls, smiling fondly at his cousin.

“Ok then Spencer, I guess I’ll see you the next time you’re in town,” Thomas said as they reached Harry’s car.

“Yeah. Bye. Call me if you need anything...either of you,” Spencer said, staring incredulously at the car and wondering how it even worked since it looked like it was held together with bubblegum and string. Harry noticed the look and smirked.

“Don’t knock the Blue Beetle, she runs very well for a car who’s been through so much.”

Spencer just smiled and waved them off before getting back in the bureau’s SUV and driving back to Joliet in time to catch the jet back home. All the way he could feel Hotch’s curious gaze on him and he knew the other man was wondering where he had gone. He made sure to keep his eyes on his book and ignore his boss’s curiosity.

*********************************************

The case in Boston had been a nightmare. Not only had the bomber, Adrian Bale gotten the best of Gideon, but he had also managed to kill two of the team. The only reason Spencer survived was because he had managed to use his vampire speed and reflexes to get himself out of the blast radius in the nick of time. That burst of superhuman speed had drained some of his reserves though, and he was feeling extraordinarily Hungry.

After fielding several calls from his parents and Thomas to reassure them all that he was alive and well he dressed quickly in tight-fitting jeans and a purple button-down shirt with a darker purple vest and headed out to find someone to feed on. Spencer was quite touched that even Harry, who had taken quite a shine to the young incubus over the past couple of months during his phone calls with his cousin, had called to make sure Spencer was alright.  

As the elevator doors closed, a hand shot through and a weary and beaten looking Hotch stepped in. They nodded to each other and then Spencer looked away, unable to meet the older profiler’s eyes--eyes he could feel on him all the way down. This was the first time they had been alone together since the Blue Ridge Strangler case as Spencer had been very careful in his avoidance of the other man. As they neared the ground floor Aaron suddenly lurched forward and pushed the emergency stop button, trapping them both there and turned to him with determination written all over his face. The look caused Spencer to swallow hard in trepidation of what was to follow.

“I’m sorry if you think I over-stepped last time. I thought you wanted me as much as I wanted you. I thought we had something between us. If that’s not the case then I’m sorry. I just wanted to have my say, I won’t bother you anymore,” Aaron said, moving to release the stop button.

“No…um ….you have nothing to apologize for. I did want you. I did want that….so much…you have no idea. But….you have to understand. It was a one-time thing. I um…we…can’t afford anything more….I’m sorry,” Spencer said, feeling guilty all over again about what had happened between them.

Then he made the mistake of looking up and meeting Aaron’s eyes and they were lost. Neither knew who moved first, but they were suddenly kissing each other passionately. Teeth clashing, tongues warring in each other’s mouths until Spencer felt the psychic energies moving from Aaron to him, feeding his Hunger. He pushed away from the other man till he was pressed against the far wall of the elevator and breathing hard. Spencer quickly pressed the button to restart the lift.

“No..nonono. We can’t do this. Not again. P-please, understand. We can’t do this. I’m not good for you,” Spencer stated as he covered his face, waiting for the lift doors to open and let him escape. He ran out so fast that he missed the grief and sadness on Hotch’s face. 

Spencer ran from the hotel straight to the closest bar he could find, losing himself in the willing bodies that thronged around him when he released his Hunger to attract as many as he could. With so many willing victims the energy drain was minimal for each one, and it helped soothe his conscience. 

When they went back to DC it became obvious that Gideon was a broken man, and when he took his sabbatical from the FBI Spencer decided to follow him into the academic world for his time as a lecturer in the academy as he hoped that the time away from Hotch would help the other man move on. 

************************************

Gideon spent two months teaching trainees at the academy before Seattle came calling about women being abducted and murdered. It had been two months since Spencer had seen the rest of his teammates as he had spent the time finishing up his Sociology degree and starting a new one in philosophy. The young genius had also spent a significant amount of time visiting his parents.

Spencer couldn’t help the lurch his stomach gave the first time he heard Hotch’s voice after two months, but he quickly tamped it down and focused on the case and helping Gideon through it. Hotch, on the other hand, seemed to be determined to prove that he could leave the incident in the elevator and the restroom behind and just be friends with him. He sought him out to discuss aspects of the case whenever he could and was as professional as possible throughout the case. Despite that, Spencer could often feel the eyes of the older man on him when he thought he wasn’t looking; and his demon gleefully pointed out just how susceptible the older profiler was every time he met the other man’s eyes.

Spencer, however, ignored his troublesome Hunger and followed Hotch’s lead, being both professional and courteous to the dark-haired profiler. He really enjoyed the older man’s company as he was quite intelligent and able to keep up with most of Spencer’s leaps of logic and tolerate his rambles without wincing, unlike Morgan who barely put up with them.

The case ended with them saving the girl, which seemed to do wonders for Gideon’s mental state, and the flight home was relaxing. It felt like things were finally getting back to normal in many ways.

Their second case back was worse in many ways. 

It almost felt like it took them too long to figure out the unsub’s motivation in setting the fires, and then Spencer couldn’t help relating to her even if his compulsions were caused by an actual demon under his skin. It quite amused him to think that Elle, the newest member of their team, seemed to have fallen for his attempts to put her off completely and had compared him with a serial arsonist.

Spencer found it amusing to use the little things his Hunger told him about Elle and her desires against her and convince her that he really was the geeky nerd who couldn’t possibly be anything other than an awkward virgin. Even Morgan bought the act, amusing Spencer with his friend’s attempts to set him up with some ‘hot lovin’ as he put it.

Then came the case where the bomber was copying Bale, and Spencer worried all over again that Gideon was going to lose it. They came so close to losing half the team, and Bale wasn’t done playing games with Gideon. The young genius was just grateful that the case ended without the team suffering any more losses. 

************************************************

Watching Spencer had become a bit of a hobby for Hotch. Watching him work at figuring out the clues to help them catch the killers and the various leaps his mind made as he put things together fascinated the older profiler, and Aaron couldn’t help himself. 

Listening to Elle and Morgan teasing Spencer about getting a date and treating him like an awkward virgin who wouldn’t know how to get a date would have made Hotch question their profiling skills when they couldn’t see just how much Spencer was hiding if he hadn’t heard Gideon trying to help Spencer to ask JJ out by giving him tickets to a football game she might be interested in.

He wondered if it was just his obsession with the younger man that had led him to notice the little ways Spencer hid himself from the rest of the team, but then he decided that it didn’t matter why he was just glad he got to see all those parts of the man no one else got to see. 

Since Gideon and Spencer had come back after Bale, Hotch had put in a lot of effort to keep his friendship with Spencer intact and get over the awkwardness that had followed their previous encounters; and they were finally friends again. They would spend long hours after everyone else had left talking--discussing professional articles and everything else--and the more Hotch saw of the younger man, the more he admired him.

And now…..now he was stuck with him and several other innocent people in a hostage situation with a madman with a savior complex. He had a plan, a very risky plan that could potentially get him and everyone else in the room with him killed, and it all depended on the genius who had previously failed his marksmanship qualifications.

That man just blew him away with his talents. Spencer not only understood his plan with the minimum of clues, but he also managed a perfect headshot, saving Aaron’s life.

“I’m sorry again for all the kicking,” Aaron said as they deplaned in Quantico, noticing Spencer wincing slightly as he bent to grab his bag.

“It’s fine Hotch. I’m fine. A good night’s sleep and I’ll be right as rain,” Spencer said. He wasn’t exactly lying as even his worst injuries should heal by morning provided he found a willing victim to feed off of.

“Come on, I’ll drop you at home. It’s the least I can do after kicking the crap out of you.”

“If you’re sure,” Spence said, relieved that he wouldn’t have to deal with the crowded train or trying to find a cab as he was in some pain despite his efforts to deny it.

Spencer was Hungry and the pain from the bruises was playing havoc on his control and by the time they were even halfway to his apartment he knew he had made a mistake accepting the ride from Hotch. He had noticed the tension in the car building with every passing minute, and it was getting hard to ignore the erection that his boss was sporting.

Finally, when they reached Spencer’s building Hotch parked the car, and before Spencer could move to escape the confines he pulled him into a kiss that left Spencer feeling scorched from the inside out. That’s when the younger man decided  _ fuck it... _ he was going to enjoy it while it lasted. He was done pushing Hotch away for his own good.

Hotch couldn’t get enough of kissing the young genius; it was addictive. 

When they finally pulled apart for breath, Spencer spoke, his voice roughened by want. “Fine…..fine if we do this it’s no strings. We are not dating. Just sex. Ok?”

“Fine with me,” Hotch stated before diving in for another kiss.

The two men barely made it into the apartment before they were tearing clothes off each other and attacking bare skin with lips, tongues, and teeth. The sex was almost frantic with both of them feeling like they couldn’t get enough of each other. And when it was done they found themselves lying next to each other breathing hard like they had run a marathon. Spencer fell asleep almost immediately, the exhaustion and sleeplessness of the last few days taking its toll on him despite just feeding from Aaron.

Aaron left soon after that, only stopping for a quick clean up in the bathroom. Every step he took away from Spencer hurt just a little bit more, and yet he denied that he felt anything more than desire for the younger man. He couldn’t bear to admit to anything else, even to himself.

The case with the schizophrenic holding several people, including Elle, hostage on the train was the one that finally forced Aaron to admit to himself exactly how screwed he was in regards to the younger man.


	3. Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron is in love, Spencer is in denial.

_ Falling for him would be like cliff diving. It would be either the most exhilarating thing that ever happened to me or the stupidest mistake I’d ever make. _

_ —Hussein Nishah _

After that night they spent together following the LDSK case Spencer and Aaron took to spending nights together after the end of every case. They justified it to themselves as needing to burn off the excess adrenaline. It seemed to help them both and that was what mattered, even if it broke Aaron’s heart every time he left before Spencer woke up--so as not to make the other uncomfortable. Besides, Spencer felt like he was drowning in guilt every time he fed off Hotch. 

**Natural Born Killer**

Having to confront the issues from his own childhood and abusive father left Hotch feeling hollow and the welts from Perrota garroting him hurt more than he let on. Aaron meant to go home after he finished his paperwork--everyone else had already left; however, he found himself parked in front of Spencer’s building instead, in what had become his parking spot. He was sitting in his car wondering if he should go in or turn around and drive off when the door was yanked open and Spencer peered in.

“What are you doing here Aaron? Shouldn’t you be in bed resting? Those welts look bad.” Spencer asked, looking concernedly at his friend.

“I…I don’t know…I should probably go,” Aaron said uncertainly.

“No…..no…come inside. I think I have some salve that my mother used to make. It will help with the bruising,” Spencer said, manhandling Hotch from the car as gently as possible, tugging him along till they were inside his apartment.

He settled the older man on the couch and went to look for the salve, leaving a slightly dazed Hotch sitting on his couch wondering what just happened. Spencer came back into the room mumbling incantations under his breath to strengthen the salve and was slightly amused to see the other man still sitting exactly how he had left him.

He walked up to him and tilted his head upwards with a gentle finger under his chin and said, “Take your shirt off.”

When Aaron had removed his tie, shirt, and undershirt so as not to get it stained by the salve Spencer moved forward to stand between his knees and gently spread the salve over the cuts and bruises on his neck, causing a warm, relaxed feeling to spread through Hotch’s body. The care and attention from the younger man was also doing a lot to soothe the emptiness he had been feeling, and Aaron couldn’t help leaning into the touches, finally moving to nuzzle the lanky genius’s stomach when he was done, his arms going around him to hold him close.

Spencer could see how much Aaron needed this so as much as he wanted to distance himself he couldn’t bring himself to push the other man away. Instead, he just stroked the short dark hair, gently feeling Aaron relaxing slowly with every breath. After a little while he felt the older profiler begin to sag and drift off to sleep, and he gently prodded the other man to get up.

“Come on, you’ll be more comfortable in bed,” he said, helping Hotch into the bedroom and stripping off the rest of his clothes, leaving him in just his briefs.

“Don wanna impose,” Hotch slurred sleepily.

“You’re not imposing. I want you here,” Spencer said, surprised by the truth of the statement. Hotch smiled sleepily at the younger man and snuggled up under the blanket, tugging the younger man to join him. Spencer huffed out a laugh and got in the bed, moving around till they were both comfortable with Aaron’s head on his chest.

Aaron drifted off to sleep with the sounds of Spencer’s heartbeat in his ears; and Spencer followed shortly after, the exhaustion of the day catching up to him as well. The next morning both men knew that something had changed between them, but neither was willing to confront the other about it so it remained unspoken like so many other things.

**Derailed**

Spencer had never been so terrified in his life as when he walked on that train to perform his ‘magic trick’. He could take a lot of damage thanks to his vampire nature, but even he couldn’t heal from a bullet to the brain. He could feel himself practically shaking with nervousness and he really hoped he wouldn’t screw this up and get someone killed.

Getting the chip out was easy. He had practiced sleight of hand for years even before he knew about his mother’s magic. He knew that he would be hearing from Morgan and Gideon--not to mention Hotch--about removing his vest when he got off the train.

Talking the man down was difficult, but it was even more difficult watching his sometimes lover looking at him with so much concern like his heart was breaking. Spencer just used what he had heard from his mother about her illness and what he knew about schizophrenia to get the man to calm down. He was just glad that they all managed to get out of it alive, no thanks to the dumbass kid who wouldn’t shut up.

Allowing Spencer to get on the train unarmed and with only a vest to protect him was the hardest thing Hotch had ever had to do. Watching as Spencer took off his vest and tried to talk the schizophrenic down had Aaron’s heart in his mouth, and all he could think was _No no no no...please God, let him live. I can’t lose him._

When he heard the gunshot it was as if his heart literally stopped for a minute, and it didn’t start again till he saw Spencer walk off the train. It took all his self-restraint not to rush up to him and take him in his arms. That moment was when he finally admitted to himself that he had fallen head over heels for the younger man and it was no use trying to fight it or denying it.

Hotch knew something for sure--he knew the young genius did not return his feelings. They had agreed on no strings and if he even mentioned his feelings Spencer would probably end it with him. The dark-haired profiler couldn’t bear the thought of losing him so he decided to keep his silence and just take what he could get for as long as Spencer would allow him.

When they got back to DC he insisted on being the one to drive Spencer home. When they arrived, they silently walked up to the apartment in an unspoken agreement. As soon as they were inside the door, Hotch couldn’t restrain himself any longer. He needed to reassure himself that his love was alright. He spun around and pushed Spencer against the door, crashing his lips against the younger man's, pouring all his fear and uncertainty into the kiss, his hands running all over the lithe body as if to make sure that there were no injuries that he couldn't see.

“I’m alright, I’m alright. Hush now,” Spencer soothed as he pulled away slightly before slowing the motions, bringing the full boil down to a simmer, taking the other man’s lips in a gentler kiss that was no less passionate. 

Aaron quickly stripped Spencer and himself of all their clothes, removing layer after layer to get to his prize before he sank down to his knees in front of the younger man. He pressed his nose into the thatch of curls before him, nuzzling the hard cock hidden within and breathing in the wonderful musk that was purely Spencer. He had feared that he would never get to do this again.

He licked a long stripe from base to head before dipping in to lave the precum off the head as his hand moved up to grip Spencer’s cock. He then moved to take as much of it in as he could and bobbed up and down before sliding down, swallowing it to the root, causing Spencer to moan and cry out his name. He continued this treatment, moaning and fighting to breathe all the while. When he felt Spencer getting closer to his release, he pulled off with a quiet pop.

“I want you inside me. Please…take me, Spencer. I want you so bad,” Hotch said, barely stopping himself from mentioning love.

Spencer smiled down at him and cupped his cheek.

“If you’re sure.”

“Yes…please.”

Spencer held out a hand to help him to his feet, silently leading him to the bedroom.

“On the bed,” he said, moving to grab the lube and condoms from the bedside table.

Hotch lay down on his back and grabbed a pillow, sliding it beneath himself.

“Like this?” Spencer questioned. When Hotch nodded, he knelt between the other man’s legs, trailing his fingertips down the older man’s chest, only pausing to tease his nipples and tweak them, making Hotch gasp and arch up into his greedy hands.

He smeared lube generously on himself and prepared Hotch gently, lovingly, before moving forward until the head of his cock brushed the other man’s needy hole. He pressed in carefully until the head of his cock entered the other man, making both men moan in pleasure. Hotch couldn’t take the slow, torturous pace any longer and arched his back, thrusting down and taking Spencer's cock deep inside him. Soon they were flush against each other, making Spencer gasp and curse at the delicious feeling of being surrounded by his lover.

He rolled his hips as he set up a slow pace, teasing Aaron and driving him to beg.

“Please Spencer…please…harder…please,” he begged, moving his own hips, trying desperately to get the younger man to move faster until Spencer finally gave in and started pounding into him as hard as he could. Faster and faster they sped towards their mutual climax, gasping and clinging to each other until they both came together, crying each other’s names loud enough for the neighbors to hear.

When they were done, Spencer collapsed on top of Aaron trying to catch his breath; and Aaron’s arms came up around him, holding the other man close like he was precious to him. This startled Spencer and he began to wonder if Hotch was developing feelings for him, but he brushed it off as just residual concern from the day’s events and rolled over, taking Hotch with him till they were lying with Hotch pressed up against Reid’s side and his head on his chest.

Spencer reached into the bedside drawer and pulled out some wet wipes and proceeded to clean them up. He disposed of the condom, and when he looked down he saw that the older man had already fallen asleep. Spencer brushed a kiss over his forehead and refused to think about what it meant even as he did so before gently disentangling himself from the other man and wandering off in search of something to eat. He knew that his housekeeping service would have restocked his fridge and disposed of all the expired foods so it was likely he’d find something edible.

He was delighted to find that his parents’ cook had sent over some homemade casserole this time and pulled it out to heat it up. As he settled himself with the TV on low watching a rerun of Doctor Who and eating the casserole he went over the day’s events in his head. It had been a rollercoaster ride from finding out that Elle was one of the hostages. He knew that he and Hotch were getting closer but he really hoped the other man wasn’t falling in love with him because it would mean that he would have to distance himself from him and he found himself reluctant to do that for reasons he would rather not examine too closely. Finishing his meal, he put the dishes in the sink, turned off the TV and went to bed, allowing Hotch to spoon him with his back pressed against the other man’s front.

**The Tribe**

Since the hostage situation on the train, Hotch had started spending more nights with Reid than not, and he only spent the minimum of nights at his own house so that he didn’t crowd the younger man. Spencer sometimes refused Hotch’s offers of rides home because he knew that it would lead to Hotch spending the night and he knew that it wasn’t good for him to feed off Aaron so often.

He often spent his weekends in pubs finding willing victims to feed from so that he wouldn’t take too much from Hotch. He really didn’t like the idea of hurting the older man who had become a good friend and who seemed to understand him so well despite his weirdness.

From the moment they stepped into the classroom where John Blackwolf was lecturing, Spencer knew that the man knew what he was and he could see the man’s determination to keep him away from his people. He cornered Spencer once they reached the police station, pulling him into an unused office and shutting the door.

“I know what you are soul-stealer. You will not prey on any of my people while you are here,” Blackwolf stated as he loomed over Spencer, no doubt trying to look intimidating.

Spencer shucked off his awkward persona like it was merely a disguise and stood tall, drawing on all the power being a Raith allowed him and looked the other man in the eye. Blackwolf stared into his eyes, causing a soul gaze to begin before Spencer could break his gaze. It seemed his minor magic combined with the shamanic powers of Blackwolf was enough to start the soul gaze between them.

He looked into the other man’s soul and saw the strength and compassion of the man. The love he had for his people and their traditions. He also saw the fierce protectiveness that Blackwolf extended to anyone he considered in need of it, and he was moved by it. When the soul gaze broke he found himself breathing hard like he had just run a marathon.

When he had caught his breath he looked up to see Blackwolf looking at him like he was something unique that he didn’t understand at all.

“You are a good man, Spencer Raith. Despite your little problem, you are a very good man. Your parents should be proud of raising such a kind and compassionate son. But stay away from the reservation. My people are off limits,” Black wolf said, smiling at him.

“Thank you. And yes, I will not feed while I am here. I swear,” Spencer said, raising his hands in a placating manner and smiling back tentatively.

They seemed to have reached a truce with Blackwolf being more than a little amused at the thought of a vampire FBI agent, and they left the room together discussing the case and the rituals involved, knowing that they didn’t need to pretend or hide the fact that some of the rituals actually had power. As they left the office Spencer noticed Hotch watching them. The older profiler raised an eyebrow questioningly, but Spencer just smiled and shrugged, continuing his conversation with Blackwolf.

When he went to grab coffee later he felt Hotch come up behind him.  

“Everything ok with Blackwolf?”

“Yeah…oh yeah, everything’s fine. He just wanted to discuss some aspects of the rituals,” Spencer said, avoiding the other man’s eyes and moving to leave the break room.

“Are you sure?” Hotch asked, putting his hand on Spencer’s arm to stop him from leaving.

“Yeah, Hotch. Everything’s fine,” Spencer said before moving to continue his conversation with the Native-American man. He felt Hotch’s eyes on him for a while before the older profiler was distracted by the case.

“Mr. FBI seems very protective of you. He’s not just your boss is he?” Blackwolf questioned.

“Not that it’s any of your business but no, he’s not just my boss,” Spencer answered, casting a glance back at Hotch and moving the topic away from his relationship with the older man. He found it refreshing to be discussing magic and the aspects of the rituals with someone who knew and understood them as well as--if not better--than he did.

By the time the case was over he found that he had developed a firm friendship with Blackwolf despite his initial distrust, and they left promising to keep in touch. He had also noticed a definite rapport between Aaron and Blackwolf and found himself unhappy about it. He was really reluctant to put a name to the feeling he had when he saw them laughing together on the school steps.

That night when they got back home Spencer refused to ride with Hotch despite the fact that he could see how much it hurt the other man. He dressed up in his best clothes and went to the Four Seasons. There he picked up the first attractive dark-haired man he could find and took him back to his room for a night of rough sex. He refused to examine his choices or motives too closely even as he left the next morning without a backward glance.

**Somebody’s Watching**

Spencer was happy to go along with Gideon to help run the training seminars for the LAPD as it allowed him to visit with his dad, who was also in town on family business. Spencer had already been trying to distance himself from Hotch but the night before he left for LA Hotch insisted on driving him home, and since he couldn’t come up with a reason not to he allowed it and they ended up sleeping together again. The sex was good as always, but the guilt was somehow worse this time.

The first thing Spencer did when they got to LA was use the time Gideon wanted to himself to get settled in before the training the next day to visit his father. He was hoping that William might help him understand what he could do about Hotch; short of leaving the BAU, he couldn’t think of a way to keep the man at arm’s length. William smiled as he saw his son enter his offices, standing and walking forward to pull him into a hug. However, he jerked back as his skin burned from contact with his son.

“Spencer!?” William exclaimed, “Son? What have you been doing?”

“Oh no. Hotch!” Spencer whispered, shocked and upset. He had wondered about the older profiler’s feelings for him but had been really hoping that what he feared wasn’t true.

“Come, son. Come sit down. Looks like you need to talk,” William said, leading his distraught son towards the couch in his office and offering him the coffee that he had had prepared in anticipation of his visit. Spencer nodded dismally and looked up at his father, not knowing how to even begin.

“This Hotch you mentioned...isn’t he your boss at the FBI?” William asked, suppressing the urge to berate his son for feeding off people at work as he could see how much this was upsetting him already.

“I can’t believe he loves me. Why, why me? I’ve tried to stay away. I’ve tried to push him away but he always comes back and I can’t bring myself to outright end it. I really don’t know what to do, Dad,” Spencer said, curling in on himself, holding the cup in his hands like the heat of it would help warm him.

William could see how much his son was hurting and also how deep in denial he was about his own feelings, so he decided to leave it alone and not point out the obvious fact that the protection of true love only works if both people are in love. He merely pulled on his thin leather gloves and put his arm around his son, offering him the comfort that he seemed to need.   

Following his visit with his father, Spencer decided that he needed to distance himself from Hotch even more than he had been even if it meant awkwardness at work; and with that in mind, he didn’t hesitate when he met Lila Archer at the gallery that night. He talked to her and seduced her with his words, taking her back to his hotel room after Gideon left.

He used her to purge the stink of true love from his skin.

********************************

As soon as Hotch saw the way Lila looked at Spencer he knew they had slept together and it hurt, but he knew he had no way of confronting the other man without exposing his own feelings. It hurt so unbelievably badly to watch her flirt with Spencer, even in the midst of the mess that surrounded her, and it led Hotch to be unnecessarily blunt with her. He knew his bluntness pissed off Gideon from the glare he got from the other man, but he was too busy hurting over the way Spencer chased after her to worry about Gideon’s displeasure.

Listening to Morgan teasing Spencer about falling into the pool with Lila and seeing his young colleague drenched wet and wrapped in a robe to match Lila’s didn’t help much either. Every moment they spent in LA on this case was like a piece of glass digging its way slowly deeper and deeper into his heart till it left it completely shredded. He couldn’t wait for it to be over so they could go back home, and maybe then he could ignore this whole episode and pretend it never happened, so he threw himself into solving the case.

Knowing he didn’t want to see Spencer saying goodbye to Lila, he left with Elle and JJ in an earlier car and used that time to try and control his feelings of hurt and betrayal before the younger man showed up with Morgan teasing him all the way.

Spencer knew that Hotch was listening to his conversation with Morgan and he did his best to mislead the other man and push him away by asking Morgan if he should call Lila. He still refused to examine too closely the pain in his own heart as he proceeded to shatter the other man’s heart with every word he said. He really hoped that this would keep Hotch away from him for a while at least.

**Fisher King**

Spencer spent the first two days in his family home in Vegas reading to his mother when she was having a good day and feeding his Hunger during the night. It was a pleasant two days if he ignored the ache that seemed to have settled in his chest ever since he had deliberately set out to break Hotch’s heart. Then the skeleton key was delivered to his parents’ home with the cryptic clue to call Gideon, and from there it all devolved into the strangest and most deadly puzzle Spencer had ever faced.

He hated every moment of it from coming back to find out that everyone had been contacted in their homes, their sanctuaries, places they were supposed to be safe from the horrors of their jobs. By the time he finally figured out that the clues led to his mother and her visits to the Healers Hospital for regular healing to keep the curse at bay Elle had been shot and was fighting for her life.

Spencer called his father in a panic, fearing for his parents’ lives.

“Dad I need you and mom to get here as soon as you can. Please. There’s an unsub…a mad man playing games with the team...and I think that mom might have met him in the hospital.”

“You know how your mother hates flying, Spencer. The thorn manacles are not really meant for use like that. Are you sure you need us there?” William asked.

“Yes, I’m sure. I would really like you both to be right here under FBI protection till this man is caught. Please, Dad. Oh, and bring your security detail. Don’t take any chances.”

“Alright, son. We’ll be there as soon as we can and I’ll make sure to beef up security around the houses. You might also want to call and warn Thomas and Harry…just in case,” his father stated as he hung up to make preparations, and Spencer made a quick phone call to Thomas telling him and Harry to be wary of anything unusual and stay safe.

He turned around to find Penelope staring at him, no doubt wondering what was happening, and he had to come up with a quick lie to tell her about his mother to explain her illness. The closest he could come to a human illness was schizophrenia.  

“I get that boy genius, but security detail? I knew you had money, after all your clothes even though frumpy are designer, but I didn’t know you were that rich,” Penelope said teasingly.

“Uh...I’m not. My family is. The family has a lot of money and power all over the world. I try to keep as far away from the politics of that as possible,” Spencer said, completely uncomfortable with the fact that his personal life was colliding with his work.

Four hours later his parents walked in surrounded by their security detail of four guards whom Spencer was familiar with. Spencer greeted his parents with hugs and nodded a greeting to the guards.

“You know how much I hate flying. As much as I hate these things,” Diana said, holding up her hand and showing the thorn manacles that had been fashioned into a bracelet just for her.

“I know Mom, I’m sorry. We can take it off in just a little while,” Reid said, turning off his phone and leading his mother into a room without any technology. Once they were settled there William moved forward and unlocked the thorn manacles before bandaging the wounds caused by them tenderly, causing Diana to smile softly at her husband.

“Ok, Mom, Dad...a few things before my mundane colleagues get here. None of them know anything about the supernatural and I’m trying to keep it that way as much as possible. Also, Mom was a 15th-century literature professor, which is why she knows so much, not because you guys have lived through it. Ok?” Spencer said, fidgeting nervously.

“It’s fine, Spencer. We’ll help any way we can,” William said, and Diana nodded as well, adding, “But I don’t really understand why I’m here, Spencer.”

“There’s a man who is targeting the team. I think you might have met him on one of your visits to the hospital. Someone you might have spoken to about me and my work?” Spencer prodded, trying to kindle Diana’s memory.

“Randall Garner. He got burnt badly in a Black Court attack a few years ago. Lost his family. Poor man was struggling so badly so I used to tell him stories of your adventures to help him,” Diana said, looking unhappy at the thought that she may have been the cause of her son’s current problems.  

Spencer then ran to fill in the rest of the team and helped Penelope track down the unsub. When it was done he ended up introducing his parents to the rest of the team and trust Hotch to know his family name.

“Raith, as in Raith Inc. that runs half the world?” Hotch asked when he was introduced to William, raising a questioning eyebrow at Spencer.

“Spencer likes to stay away from family politics, hence the name change to Diana’s maiden name,” William said, casting a fond glance at his son, causing him to blush and fidget. After the introductions, Spencer hurried his parents out of the offices and traveled with them back to Vegas, determined to enjoy the rest of his vacation.

**The Perfect Storm**

The case began like any other, the team quickly profiling that it was two sick individuals raping and murdering women in Florida. The case went just as usual with Spencer avoiding Aaron as much as possible and Aaron pretending that there was nothing wrong--that his heart wasn’t breaking every time the man he loved avoided his eyes.

The case progressed like any other as well, until the wife of their suspected unsub came into the station. The moment Spencer laid eyes on her he knew….he just knew he was going to end up with a headache of epic proportions by the end of the day. Amber Canardo was not actually a Canardo, she was a Skavis. A cousin who fed off the despair and pain of humans. It was more than likely that she was the dominant unsub that they were looking for and here she was pretending to be all meek and harmless.

Spencer didn’t know how he was going to fix this. She should not have drawn attention like this. The family would not be pleased and he knew she knew what he was and would try to out him as well if she was taken down. 

The first thing he needed to do was contact the family; and so he called his father, as much as it pained him to go running to dad at the first sign of trouble. He really wished the family would stay out of his work.

“Dad, hi. Amber Skavis is causing trouble…..yeah she got herself a stupid human partner and they’ve been raping, torturing and killing women for years. Now they got sloppy...or Amber got greedy...and decided to feed off her victims’ families as well,” Spencer said when his father answered.

“I suppose you caught the case? She’s seen you?” William asked.

“Yeah she saw me,” he answered quickly, “We need to do something. My team isn’t stupid and sooner or later they’re going to figure out that she’s not the innocent that she’s pretending to be.”

“Hmmmm…..she’s going to need a backstory that doesn’t involve the family. Let me see what I can do. I’ll call Lord Raith. Thanks for the warning kiddo,” William said before hanging up to begin calling a meeting of the families to fix this new issue. It was very much in the vampire’s interest to keep humans away from knowledge of the supernatural and keep the family's name out of it as well.

Spencer walked back into the station, sighing to himself and wondering how he was going to gently steer the investigation towards Amber while also giving his father time to discuss options with Lord Raith.

It took them several hours and false starts, but finally, both Amber and her husband were arrested and their intended victim, Tiffany Spears, was rescued. When Spencer called his father following the arrest he assured him that Amber would never go to trial and the family would take care of it; after all, it wouldn’t do to have a vampire who fed off despair in the prison system….she might grow too powerful.

Feeling a little sick to his stomach at the thought of what awaited Amber, Spencer boarded the plane keeping as far away from the rest of the team and pretending to be asleep. He really hoped that his family and the supernatural would stay away from his work from now on. It really sucked when his family and work collided.

**Sex, Birth, Death**

Nathan Harris broke his heart. He reminded Spencer so much of himself shortly after his incubus first emerged that he couldn’t help feeling sympathetic towards the poor kid. The case had so many ups and downs, not the least being that Spencer could clearly see that there was something bothering Hotch and that something had to do with his new teammate, Emily Prentiss.

When Elle had left it had upset Spencer, especially since none of them had any doubt that she had intentionally baited the man and shot him in cold blood. He had tried to talk to her, to help her, but she was too far gone to accept anybody’s help. He could tell that Hotch had been relieved that he hadn’t had to fire her and that she had quit on her own. Her replacement, Emily Prentiss, seemed friendly and worked well with the rest of the team even though it seemed to Spencer that she hid a lot of secrets behind her smiles.

Spencer was relieved that they managed to clear Nathan Harris of the killings, but the results of the psychological evaluation were not reassuring and the young genius was at a loss at how to help him. It wasn’t until the case was wrapped up, the unsub was locked away and Nathan came to see Spencer before he was released from custody that Spencer spotted the shadow following Nathan--a shadow that did not belong there. By the time his shocked mind had figured out what it was he was seeing, the boy was long gone.

The young genius couldn’t believe that he hadn’t seen it before, an Outsider following the boy. The demonic creature had probably been following Nathan for a while now and whispering those thoughts into the boy's mind. Unsure what to do he put in a call to the only person he knew who had survived a confrontation with these creatures, Harry Dresden.

Harry wasn’t in to answer his call so he left him a message that he needed to see him as soon as possible and to get down to DC because he really needed help with a problem. Then Spencer went to find Nathan, using his tracking spell when he wasn’t at home. He barely got there in time to prevent the boy from killing himself.

Harry arrived soon after, and together they managed to banish the Outsider with some help from Nathan. It turned out that the boy had some little talent for magic that the Outsider was hoping to exploit, and Spencer left the boy in Harry’s capable hands to explain to him and his mother what would be needed to prevent the Outsider from coming back. 

**Profiler, Profiled**

Morgan being arrested and finding out about his abuse at the hands of someone he should have been able to trust wasn’t pleasant, but Spencer was glad that they were in Chicago. It gave him a chance to catch up with Thomas and Harry and find out how it was going with Nathan’s training.

As soon as Spencer got the news that Buford had been arrested and Morgan was free he called Thomas and arranged for his cousin to pick him up at the station once they were done wrapping up the case, telling him to bring Harry along as well if he was free.

As they were packing up the young genius heard a familiar voice.

“Come on Murph, do a guy a favor.”

“Maybe the lady knows better than to trust the likes of you,” Spencer drawled, grinning as the sound of his voice caused Harry to spin around in surprise, a pleased smile spreading over his face.

“Spencer!” he exclaimed, walking forward to envelop him in a man hug, patting his back as he let go.

“I didn’t know you were in town. Thomas never tells me anything,” Harry grumped good-naturedly.

“If you would answer your phone you would know that I’ve been trying to call you. We just got in yesterday on a case. Thomas and I are going to dinner and you’re invited,” Spencer said as he smirked up at Harry.

“Murphy, this is Thomas’s baby cousin, Spencer. Don’t let the baby face fool you though, he’s a fed,” Harry said, dragging Spencer along to introduce him to the detective he had been talking to.

“Hello, it’s nice to meet you,” Detective Karrin Murphy said, smiling politely at the young man who she could see was clearly a White Court vampire.

“It’s nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you from Harry and Thomas,” Spencer said, shaking her hand politely.

“Aww, don’t be like that Murphy. He’s one of the good guys,” Harry said, smirking at the detective in charge of Special Investigations--the branch of the Chicago police that dealt with all the things that went bump in the night.

“So, dinner then? Where’s that layabout cousin of yours? Have you heard about his latest venture? Running a salon?” Harry said, turning to Spencer

“Yeah, he told me about it the last time we spoke. He seems quite embarrassed by it but I think it’s a good way for him to keep himself satisfied without the complications,” Spencer said, casting occasional uncertain glances at Murphy.

Thomas walked into the station just then, and on seeing them he walked straight to them, greeting Spencer with a hug.

“Little cousin, it’s been too long,” he said, cupping his cousin’s cheek and looking into his eyes with a slightly worried frown. Thomas could see that behind his façade there was something eating at his young cousin and he was determined to get to the bottom of it...sooner rather than later. Turning to the detective he asked, “So detective, will you be joining us as well?”

“No, you guys go ahead. I’ve got reports to fill out. It was nice meeting you Spencer; and Harry, I’ll look it up for you, no promises,” Murphy said, turning back to her desk to continue her work.

“Thanks, Murph, you’re a star. I’ll see you later,” Harry said, and then the three of them left together, chatting amiably with each other as the younger two teased Thomas about his new-found gay persona. He’d perfected it while running his hair salon to prevent clients from trying anything, and the ribbing caused the older vampire to blush and tease back.

Hotch had been watching the exchange from a distance. He hadn’t been close enough to hear what they were speaking about, but he could see the clear affection between the three men and the ease with which they greeted each other. Watching Spencer had become something of an obsession with him ever since the Lila Archer incident when Spencer had started to push him away and stopped accepting his offers to drive him home--which, in reality, were merely thinly veiled offers of sex.

The rest of the team was watching as well, in some surprise as they had never seen Spencer so comfortable around anyone.

“Who is that and how does Spence know them?” JJ asked.

“I don’t know, but they certainly look very friendly. Like they’ve known each other for years,” Morgan said, frowning at the sight of his normally nerdy, awkward friend so at ease with someone.

Hotch ignored them and how much the tearing ache inside felt like jealousy as he continued to pack up the case files. As soon as he was done he went back to the Hotel and headed straight to the bar, where he proceeded to drink until he could barely see straight; finally staggering towards his room, where he literally ran into Spencer and Thomas walking towards Spencer’s own room.

“You-you won’t sleep with me anymore. Wha…I not pretty enough for you anymore?” Hotch slurred, still leaning on Spencer where the other man was supporting him as he had fallen into him.

“Hotch you’re drunk. Let me take you to your room,” Spencer said, looking at the older man with concern.

“You want some help?” Thomas asked.

“Nah, I’m good. I’ll talk to you later, ok?” Spencer said, waving Thomas away. 

After Thomas left, Spencer helped Hotch into his room, being dragged this way and that by the swaying of the very drunk older man. With great difficulty, he maneuvered him towards the room, and after several tries by Hotch finally found his room key and let them into the room. He moved to deposit him on the bed, but the other man would not let go.

“Stay, please,” he begged, his inhibitions long dissolved in the alcohol.

Spencer couldn’t bring himself to refuse the man, and after helping Hotch undress he undressed himself and climbed in with him. Hotch moved to pull the younger man into his arms and held him tight as he fell asleep; and Spencer followed soon after, lulled to sleep by the sound of the older man’s heart in his ears.

The next morning, Spencer woke before Hotch and managed to extricate himself from the bed without waking the other man. He went into the bathroom and filled a glass with water, hunted down some Aspirin, and put both on the bedside table next to Hotch before quietly leaving the room. 

**Big Game and Revelations**

Watching Spencer flirting and seducing other people in that geeky way only he could pull off was not Hotch’s idea of a good time. After the night in Chicago, he and Reid had gone back to avoiding each other--Hotch because he couldn’t bear to see the pity in Reid’s eyes when he talked told him of his feelings, and Reid because he couldn’t think of anything he could say to make it better for the other man.

The team was out for a rare night out together at a club and Hotch was stuck at the table with Emily and Penelope, watching from the sidelines as the man he loved flirted with everyone but him. He was almost thankful when the call came in calling them all into work, a feeling he would hate himself for, later on, one of many things he would hate himself for.

Sending Reid and JJ out to talk to Hankel was something he would regret for the rest of his life. Finding out that Hankel was the unsub shortly after watching the horrific video of the victim torn to shreds by the dogs was one of the worst moments of his life, tied closely with all the moments that followed, right up until they found Spencer again and he was holding him in his arms, whole but not unharmed.

When Spencer stopped breathing on the video Hotch felt his heart shatter, and a coldness had seeped into his bones, making him feel like he would never be warm again. Only after Hankel managed to resuscitate Reid did he start to breathe again.

*****************************************

Spencer could feel how the drugs Tobias injected him with when he kidnapped him suppressed his demon completely. He couldn’t feel his Hunger at all, and it was as though all his strength was drained from his body. He had felt something prick his neck in the cornfield and woken up in this hut somewhere. He had no idea where he was or how he got there, and without his vampire strength, he had no way of fighting back or getting free. His only choice, it seemed, was to look for clues as to his location and play along as best he could.

The drugs burned through his system at a rapid pace and he knew that unlike humans, the drugs would not be physically addictive. When Tobias started filming him and streaming it to his team he tried to give them clues as best he could. It did not surprise him that the person he trusted most to decipher his clues was Hotch. Over the two days when he was being tortured the main thought in his mind remained that he might never get to see Hotch again and that more than anything was what forced him to admit to himself how much he loved the man.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is all written and betaed. I will be making it into a series of one shots set after the end of this story going up to the current season of CM if there is interest.


	4. Despair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What do you do when you have no hope?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to post an extra chapter so it will be finished by next week.Hope you like.

_ The bottom line is that we never fall for the person we’re supposed to. _

_ —Jodi Picoult _

**Revelations**

Pain, so much pain, all over his body and especially in his foot where Hankel had beat him and probably broken the bones. His vampire strength and healing completely gone, Spencer could barely feel his demon at all. The Hunger was quieted for the first time since it first awoke in him as a teenager; Spencer had never felt so human in his life and frankly, it sucked.

He hated being so weak and helpless, unable to even lift a finger in his own rescue. To make matters worse the drugs, while doing nothing for his pain, fuzzed his mind so much he could barely string two sentences together, let alone figure out how to escape.

Luckily, the drug was metabolized through his system quicker than a regular human which allowed him to give his team a small clue about the poaching; but then Hankel was back and injecting him with the drug, and he was so lost…..so lost in his own mind all over again. Through it all the main thought on his mind remained that he might never get to see Aaron again and the man would never know how he felt about him.

Dying seemed to help kickstart his demon again even though his strength was only coming back in dribs and drabs. It really wasn’t much of a surprise that the name that came to him first when Hankel made him choose was Aaron’s since he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about the man.

Finally, finally his hands were uncuffed, making it easier for Spencer to escape since he was almost back to full strength now, and his Hunger had come roaring back with a vengeance. It was then only the work of a moment for Spencer to brush a hand against Hankel’s arm, draining him that way as his Hunger was so strong after so long being suppressed.

With Hankel nearly dead at his feet, Spencer was now partially healed of all the wounds inflicted on him and he was able to drag him into the woods and dig a partial grave for him. He still wasn’t thinking clearly or he would have just shot the man and run away, but in his muddled mind he had to cover up the cause of Hankel’s death and burying him seemed like the way to go.

When he heard the others coming to rescue him, however, he panicked and shot Hankel, collapsing immediately after. Seeing Hotch again, Spencer couldn’t help but cling a little longer than was necessary, so happy to be back in the arms of the man he loved.

*********************

Watching his love die was one of the worst experiences of his life. Hotch couldn’t breathe; he couldn’t think. It was like his whole being had stopped and he was frozen. It was only when Spencer started to breathe again that he unfroze, his own breath coming out in a sob. Before he could be too relieved though, Hankel started his cruel game of Russian roulette, making Spencer choose someone on the team to die. Aaron stood there willing Spencer to say his name, to choose him to die as he would gladly die in place of his love.

When Spencer finally said his name Aaron was stunned until he heard the next words out of his mouth, then he was awestruck that the young man had been able to give them a clue as to his location even while beaten and drugged. Finding Spencer next to the freshly dug grave and the man he had been forced to kill to save himself hurt Hotch’s heart, and he clung to the other man as he lifted him off the ground. If not for JJ tapping his shoulder, he didn’t think he would have ever let go of Spencer.

 

**Jones**

The drug was thankfully not addictive to vampires like it was with humans, but the effects of suppressing his Hunger was something that Spencer found himself craving more than he had thought possible. In the back of his mind was the thought that if he could suppress his Hunger completely then maybe he and Hotch stood a chance and so he stole the drugs off a dead man. And he used it whenever he was left alone long enough to do so.

Spencer’s father came down as soon as Hotch called the man to inform him that they had found his son, and he stayed with Spencer for a few days, making sure that his son had everything he needed to heal--including victims to feed off. Spencer hated every minute of it as he just wanted to be left alone to test out his new theory about the drugs. When his dad left a couple of days later he found Garcia and the rest of the team visiting him in shifts, making it practically impossible for him to shoot up.

He couldn’t see the damage he was causing himself by starving his Hunger and suppressing it, and he grew increasingly frustrated and surly with every failed attempt. It wasn’t until the case in New Orleans that he finally admitted defeat and gave up his little experiments.

He missed the plane, the first time he had ever shirked work, and he nearly killed his friend with just a touch when the drugs wore off at an inopportune moment. Only Ethan’s own supernatural nature and quick reflexes saved him. Spencer couldn’t stop apologizing even as Ethan tore into him for his carelessness and lack of control.

Finally, the man managed to get his friend to promise to give up the drugs and face the fact that the Hunger wasn’t going anywhere. Ethan wasn’t unsympathetic to Spencer’s pain, and he held the younger man as he cried out his grief and the pain of never being able to be with the man he loved and who loved him in any real way.

Spencer left New Orleans a depressed and beaten man. If it weren’t for Thomas, who had come to stay with him for the weekend, he might have sunk deeper into depression and given up completely; but his cousin managed to give him some hope, and Spencer determined that if he wasn’t ever able to have Aaron he would at least have the work that brought them together.

 

**Evilution of Frank, Doubt & In Name and Blood**

Frank Brietkopf was Gideon’s downfall. The psychopath not only got the better of the team, once managing to run away with the woman he claimed to love, he also came back and killed Gideon’s lady love. Sometimes the way humans behaved made Spencer wonder if there wasn’t some monster in them, to begin with. It seemed inconceivable to him that with so many predators hunting them from the shadows, humans still went out of their way to hurt each other this way.

In the end, Spencer felt that it was not so much losing Sarah that caused Gideon’s break down but the fact that he had lost to Frank. Not being able to stop Frank from taking Jane’s life--along with his own, closely followed by the debacle in Flagstaff where it felt like they lost all over again, was what caused Gideon to lose faith in himself and the work they did.

Gideon hadn’t been quite the same since Bale, but as the losses seemed to add up over the years he broke down a little at a time until there wasn’t anything left to give. The worst part about it was that Hotch was blamed for the entire debacle and suspended. Hotch couldn’t help thinking that maybe it was a blessing in disguise, a way to stay away from Spencer and not have his heart broken every day working with the man he could never have.

But Garcia wouldn’t let him leave, and after two weeks suspension seeing Spencer again felt like a breath of fresh air. Like he had come alive again after two weeks of barely surviving, and Hotch knew that he would never leave the BAU, not as long as it offered him the opportunity to be around Spencer every day. He knew it was pathetic but he couldn’t help himself. He felt like he might stifle if he never saw Spencer again.

 

**Damaged**

Chester Hardwick was a hard and brutal man. A psychopathic serial killer that had nobody’s best interests at heart but his own. They really should have known that he had an ulterior motive in agreeing to the interview. Listening to Hardwick’s plan to beat them both to death and thus postpone his own death had Hotch panicking a little.

He couldn’t lose Spencer like this; he just couldn’t bear to watch the other man die in front of him. Not without trying to do something about it. He tried to divert the psychopath’s attention towards himself by taunting and threatening the man in return, and it was working…Hardwick’s attention was completely focused on him.

Hotch wasn’t sure if he would survive the fight, but he knew that at least if he had all Hardwick’s attention then Spencer might make it out alive, and that was the important thing. But then Spencer started talking, and it was like Hardwick was mesmerized. Hotch couldn’t blame him. Spencer was at his best when he was putting his incredible brain to use solving problems, and Hotch was having trouble controlling his physical reaction to the man while also staying alert in case it didn’t work and Hardwick attacked.

He needn’t have worried. Spencer effortlessly stalled the killer by talking about the one thing guaranteed to catch his attention--himself. Hotch couldn’t be more impressed or aroused. He left the interview room as quickly as possible, and almost ran to the car hoping against hope that Spencer wouldn’t notice his little problem.

Spencer had noticed. It would be difficult not to, and he was flattered that such a small thing had Hotch so aroused. The drive to the motel where they were staying the night was quiet and filled with an awkward silence that neither man knew how to break.  When they finally got to the room Hotch had finally had enough. He whirled around, nearly running into Reid, grabbed the genius by his collar and kissed him with all the desperation of a man sure he was going to be denied.

Spencer first melted into the kiss, but once the surprise wore off he pushed him away shaking his head in denial.

“No no no no no. We can’t do this. We are not doing this. You and me…we don’t do this anymore,” he said as he backed away from Hotch, a look of sadness in his eyes.

“Why? Can you at least tell me why you suddenly pushed me away Spence? Please, just tell me why. You said no strings, and I agreed. I have never asked for anything more than you were willing to give. So why?” Hotch asked, moving closer to the fleeing man.

“Don’t give me that, Hotch. I’m a profiler too, remember? I know you’re in love with me. You think I can’t see that? You may not have asked but I-I don’t want that. I never wanted that,” Reid said, aiming to hurt Hotch as much as he could so the man would finally stay away. He turned and fled from the room to hide his own tears at the pain he knew he was inflicting on the man he loved.

Hotch collapsed onto the bed in tears. He had wondered if it was probably something like that, but to have it confirmed that the man he loved didn’t want his love, it was too much for him. He cursed himself for holding out hope for so long. After all, what would such a bright and beautiful man want with the likes of him? He was too old and had too much baggage for someone who had so much going for them. He curled up in the middle of the bed fully dressed and cried till there were no more tears, then he fell into a fitful sleep. He didn’t notice Reid come in later, his own eyes swollen and red-rimmed from crying.

The next morning Hotch woke up with a pounding headache from last night’s tears, but he was determined to act as professional as possible. If he couldn’t have Spencer as his lover then he would at least have him as his colleague. So he downed two Aspirin and apologized to Spencer when he woke up, assuring him that he would be completely professional and he didn’t have to worry about anything, causing Spencer to wince internally and feel grateful as he really didn’t think he could bear to leave the BAU.  

 

**Elephant’s Memory**

Spencer was late for the briefing, and he was never late. He also lied, and Aaron couldn’t help but wonder what the young profiler had actually been doing that had made him so late. All the calls had gone directly to his voicemail without ringing through at all, and that made Aaron even more suspicious.

The case in West Bune, TX was bad--a teenager with guns, a list of grudges a mile long and negligible survival instincts. Spencer had been busy helping Harry and Thomas with a small case that involved some dead practitioners and had had his phone turned off to prevent Harry from accidentally frying it. Stepping out to check his messages, he had heard the message from JJ a little late and had nearly not made it back to DC in time. It was only with Harry’s help and traveling through the Nevernever that he managed to get back before the team left for Texas.

Spencer couldn’t help but identify with Owen. The poor kid had had nobody looking out for him, and he’d been relentlessly bullied, and Spencer knew that that’s exactly where he himself would have been if it weren’t for his father stepping in and forcing the school to do something about it. He had been spared quite a lot thanks to the wealth and power of his family. Nobody, not even teenagers, were willing to do anything to piss of the Raiths.

Watching Spencer struggle with his feelings of identifying with the unsub and confiding in Morgan hurt Hotch more than he could bear. He knew Spencer would not welcome his help. The last straw was watching him block their shot while trying to talk Owen down wearing neither gun nor vest. It took every last shred of control Hotch possessed not to run forward and pull Spencer back.

When it was resolved, luckily without anyone being hurt, all he wanted to do was gather the man he loved in his arms and never let him go; but he knew Spencer would not welcome it, and so he forced himself to be the boss and instead chastised him for his recklessness. He couldn’t, however, resist one last pat to his shoulder as he walked away.

  
  


**Tabula Rasa**

The Blue Ridge Strangler case seemed like a particularly cruel twist of fate to both men as it reminded them both of their first time together. It was also a particularly controversial case in that it brought up thorny issues of memory loss and how they affect personality.

Aaron and Spencer were forced to work closely together for the case, and it really didn’t help that the DA kept flirting openly with Aaron right in front of Spencer. Every time she flirted Aaron would cast covert glances at the younger man in hopes that it would get a reaction, and for his part, Spencer would pretend that he wasn’t eaten up with jealousy while a part of him wished that Aaron would accept her offer of dinner or drinks so his love could be happy.

Watching Aaron shred the defense attorney on the stand was one of the hottest things Spencer had ever seen, and it took all his control not to grab the man and drag him off to have his way with him. Aaron had seen the look Spencer had directed him during his testimony and he had really been hoping the other man would live up to the promise in his eyes, but Spencer was back to acting completely professional as though he hadn’t just fantasized about fucking his unit chief in the men’s room at the courthouse.

As they were leaving, the DA repeated her offer of drinks, and much as a part of Aaron wanted to accept just to spite Spencer he knew it wouldn’t be fair to her when the man he loved beyond all reason was right there in front of him. The drive back was filled with uncomfortable silences, neither man knowing what to say.

 

**Lo-fi & Mayhem**

The case in New York was a strange one. Nothing fit. Everything about the case felt off from the way Hotch was flirting with the head of the New York field office to the way JJ was behaving and Morgan’s show of anger and resentment. The whole team was off in a way that they had never been before, and Spencer was unsure as to how to fix it.

Only Rossi and Garcia seemed to be the same as usual, as even Spencer was feeling it. Every time Aaron smiled at Kate or laughed at something she said it made him grit his teeth and wish he could drag Aaron away from her and put his stamp on him.

He had to keep reminding himself that Aaron wasn’t his and he would probably be better off with Kate, but it didn’t stop the churning ball of jealousy and self-loathing in his stomach from keeping him distracted. Everyone was so distracted by their own little dramas that they almost didn’t catch the terrorism angle.

And by then it was too late. The bomb went off, injuring Hotch and nearly killing Kate, and Spencer couldn’t find a way to get to Hotch and make sure that the man he loved was alright. This made him angry and irritable, and even his Hunger was riled up at the thought that its favored prey may be damaged in some way. It was all he could do to get to the hospital with the others and meet Hotch there to work through the rest of the case.

Hotch’s very concern for Kate had him snarling internally like a feral animal, especially as he could see how hurt Hotch was while the Hunger gleefully pointed out every single weakness they could use. So he stayed as far away as he could from the older man while making sure that Hotch was getting the medical attention that he needed.

Hotch could see the concern for him in Spencer’s eyes, but still, the younger man stayed away and he couldn’t really understand it. Sometimes the young genius acted like he cared about Hotch--like he wanted him--but then, in the blink of an eye, he would change, becoming nothing more than a friendly but distant coworker.

The first thing Spencer did once the case was wrapped up was visit one of the clubs owned by the family in New York and find as many willing bodies to feed on as possible to burn off some of the rage, jealousy, and pain he was feeling; but no amount of feedings could make him feel anything but hollow, and he finally dragged himself back to the hotel where they were all staying, nearly running into a recently released from the hospital Hotch on his way to his room.

The quicksilver shifts in Spencer’s moods and attitude were getting to Hotch, and he was resolved to get to the bottom of it once and for all. He decided to make use of the opportunity that presented itself and told Spencer he would be driving him home as the older man wasn’t allowed to fly. He hoped that the hours stuck together in the car would be enough for him to get to the bottom of it, so he was doubly disappointed that it wasn’t Spencer but Morgan who showed up to drive him home.

 

**Minimal Loss**

Hotch was in hell. The past few months had passed in a flurry of cases and they were too busy for Aaron to find time to corner Spencer--to have it out with him once and for all. Not to mention he was too afraid that the only thing he would get out of it would be a rejection all over again, and he wasn’t sure his heart could handle another.

Hotch had not been happy to send Spencer with Emily to investigate the cult, but as Spencer had pointed out himself, he would come off as the least threatening, allowing the people in the cult to feel comfortable talking to him. But now--now he wished he had sent anybody other than the love of his life in there, then maybe he could be relied upon to make a sensible decision to resolve the current hostage situation.

Feeling shaky and overwhelmed, he put Rossi in charge of the negotiations and spent the next hours listening for a sign, any sign at all that Spencer was alive and well. He was also worried about Emily, of course, but he hadn’t felt such blinding fear since Hankel had kidnapped Spencer; and the only thing that got him through the next few hours was Rossi’s quiet support and the thought that Spencer had managed to save himself from Hankel while drugged out of his mind, so he should be able to take care of himself in this situation.

All that didn’t help, however, when Cyrus found out that there was an FBI agent holed up with them and demanded to know who it was. Hotch would be ever grateful to Emily for admitting to being the agent and sparing Spencer the beating; he didn’t think he would have been able to keep himself from storming the place to save Spencer if it had been the young genius being beaten like that.

Hour after hour passed with them no closer to a resolution, and Cyrus continued to grow more and more erratic and demanding. Hearing Cyrus tell his followers that they had just drunk poison caused Hotch’s heart to stop, and it only restarted when it was proven to be a lie. He didn’t think he could take any more of this stress. He needed it to be over, but he didn’t trust himself to go in with the team storming the compound, and it was tearing him apart.

Finally, Hotch made Morgan the one in charge of the raid while he stayed behind, praying to every god he knew. He saw survivors pouring out of the compound along with Emily, but no Morgan or Spencer, and then the whole place went up in flames and there was still no Spencer. Hotch was practically hyperventilating, and only Rossi’s hand on his shoulder in a show of unspoken support held him in place. Finally, he saw both missing members of his team stumbling out, coughing and sooty, smoke curling around them as Morgan practically dragged Spencer along behind him.

The relief at seeing his love whole and unharmed was enormous and nearly caused the older profiler’s knees to buckle. As soon as his legs would support him he dragged himself into a corner to pull himself together, trying to let go of the tension and stress of the past day and a half.

When that didn’t work he tried redirecting his frustrations to the clean-up, but he only ended up messing up till Rossi finally got tired of him and sent him back to the hotel to get some rest. Spencer and Emily had already gone to the hotel after being checked over by the paramedics.

Aaron knew that Spencer was alright aside from a little smoke inhalation and a couple of bruises; but still, he had to see for himself, so he knocked on the door to Spencer’s room instead of going to his own.

As soon as Spencer opened his door, looking absolutely delectable in just a pair of sleep pants, Aaron couldn’t help himself and pushed the genius backwards into the room, kicking the door shut behind him. Once the door was closed, he grabbed a startled Spencer and pushed him onto the bed, following him down and kissing him with all the desperation and fear of the past two days pouring out.

Spencer could feel every one of Aaron’s emotions, and he knew that the other man was close to the breaking point, but he couldn’t allow this to continue so he gently pushed the older man back, shaking his head sadly.

“No Aaron. We’ve talked about this already. I don’t do emotions,” he lied.

“Please Spencer, I need to feel you. I need to know that you are still alive and well,” Aaron begged. He knew it was pathetic, but he couldn’t help himself, he needed Spencer and he didn’t give a damn how weak he sounded.

“Fine,” Spencer relented, a part of him needing his love near just as much after what he’d gone through, “We can sleep together….but just sleep. I’m not having sex with you.”

“Thank you, Spencer, thank you,” Hotch said, feeling pathetically grateful for such small intimacies.

“Ok, now let me up so we can get under the covers,” Spencer said gently, pushing on Hotch’s chest.

Spencer turned down the covers and got into the bed while Hotch stripped to his boxers, then slipped in next to him. Spencer pulled him close so he was lying with his head on the younger man’s chest. Somehow Spencer always knew exactly what Aaron needed, and he was soon soothed to sleep by the sound of his heartbeat with Spencer following soon after.

When he woke up the next morning, Hotch found he was still wrapped up in Spencer’s strong arms and, unwilling to leave just yet, he tipped his head up and watched Spencer sleep. It was something he had done a few times in the days before Lila Archer ruined things for him.

As he watched, Spencer stirred. He opened his hazel eyes and gave Aaron a sleepy smile before meeting their lips in a sweet and tender kiss.  When they parted, he smiled again, disentangling himself from Hotch like it was an everyday occurrence.  “You can have the bathroom next,” Spencer called over his shoulder as he headed to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Once there Spencer thunked his head against the mirror, cursing his sleepy self for what he’d just done. He had no business kissing Hotch like that. Hotch deserved so much better.

Torn between waiting to talk to Spencer and not wanting to get caught coming out of his room, Hotch hesitated, but finally dressed quickly and slipped out, cursing himself for being such a coward.

 

**52 Pickup**

Since the night they spent together in Colorado, Aaron had felt that there was a certain understanding between him and Spencer even if they hadn’t talked about it or done anything about it. But hearing from Morgan about how Spencer had been flirting with the bartender and given her his number hurt, and he finally began to realize that there really might not be any future for him with Spencer, and he needed to move on.

Listening to Morgan’s teasing and how proud he was of ‘his boy’ getting some made Hotch seethe with anger and jealousy, but there was really nothing that he could do about it. Spencer wasn’t his, and he’d never been his. And so, with a heavy heart, he decided to try to put Spencer from his thoughts and truly move on.

 

**Pleasure is my Business**

Aaron had taken to training for the triathlon in his spare time to work off his frustrations. It was relaxing to just move and forget all his problems, and it helped keep him in shape. As he was finishing up one of his runs a woman approached him, and it took him a while to figure out that she was actually flirting with him. He easily accepted her card as part of his efforts to move on from Spencer, but he wasn’t sure that he would ever use it.

Dave, however, convinced him that he needed to give her a call and at least agree to train together, then see how it went from there. 

Before he could even call her they got called out to a case in Texas involving a prostitute killing high-powered businessmen. It was a world that Spencer was eminently familiar with. His family ran half the big businesses in the world from behind the scenes, and because of that, he was able to discretely arrange for them to give them the information that they needed to crack the case.

Watching Spencer move with such ease in the world of money and power, playing politics so easily with the best of them, was another revelation to Aaron; and he began to wonder if he ever really knew the man at all or if he’d only deluded himself that he did.

When they got back after the case, he called Beth and arranged to train together. The woman seemed pleasant and friendly, and they had a lot of fun training together, encouraging each other to do better.

 

**Demonology**

The case Emily brought them was particularly strange from the beginning. Hotch had been dropping off Beth after their date when Emily first called him about her friend. The date with Beth had been fun and interesting, and Beth was a lovely woman who was also smart and funny. But when she kissed him at the end of the night he barely felt a flash of heat, and definitely none of the desperation and need he felt when Spencer so much as smiled at him. He wondered if it was even worth it to try dating right now when his mind and heart were still so completely tangled up in his subordinate.

As soon as Spencer walked into the crime scene he knew what had happened there. He could practically smell it. There was the taint of one of the Outsiders in the room. Spending so much time with Harry, and traveling between Chicago and DC via the Nevernever had made him more attuned to their magic. He had been spending every spare minute lately with Thomas and Harry as he knew that they understood his pain and supported his decision about Aaron.

The only thing that he was unsure of was whether the taint was from the priest or the victims. When he met the priest he could clearly see the taint of the Outsider all over him, and he was unsure of how exactly to get rid of one that had sunk its hooks so deeply into a person. Nathan Harris had been easy because it had just started to whisper in the boy’s ears, but this priest was so far gone that the Outsider barely even needed to maintain contact for him to do what it wished.

He thought it might be too much for even Harry, so he called Ebenezar McCoy. The old man didn’t answer his phone, as usual, so he just left a message and waited to hear back. Meanwhile, Hotch was embroiled in the politics of the situation, which just seemed to get worse as the case progressed, and Spencer could see the toll it was taking on him.

The young incubus couldn’t bear to see how much the situation was distressing him, so he managed to get word to his mother’s contacts in the Vatican and persuaded them of the danger that Father Silvano posed to everyone around him. With some persuasion from McCoy--who’d finally called back--the Vatican eventually agreed to lend their aid. They helped to deport the priest from the US, bringing him back onto holy ground where the Outsider could hopefully be banished with the help of the White Council. 

**Amplification**

Hotch had barely gotten back from dropping off the priest when the call came in from the DOJ about a potential anthrax attack. Things spiraled quickly from there and ended with Spencer locked in Dr. Nichols’ lab, exposed to the deadly toxin. It took every scrap of control Hotch possessed not to run inside and drag the younger man out, wrap him up in his arms and never let him go.

Spencer, for his part, was utterly terrified. The disease seemed to be affecting him at an accelerated rate, unlike the normal form, which barely affected White Court vampires at all. But he knew that he couldn’t let on to his teammates because they would insist on dragging him to the hospital, and he firmly believed that his only chance of survival was in finding the cure--and possibly the unsub.

So the young genius lied and hid his symptoms from everyone even as he desperately searched for the cure that he knew had to be hidden in the lab. However, he decided to call Garcia when he began losing hope of finding the cure in time to save himself. 

“Hey Reid,” Garcia said sadly.

“Gee, wow. No, uh….no witty Garcia greeting for me?” Spencer asked, trying desperately to suppress his coughs.

“I can't be my sparkly self when you are where you are,” she sighed. 

“Garcia, do you think you can do something for me?”

“Anything.”

“I, uh, I know I can't call my parents without breaking about a dozen regulations,” Spencer said hesitantly, “I, uh, I need you to record a message for my family in case anything happens to me.”

“Oh, nothing's going to happen to you. You're gonna brilliantly find out who did this and we're gonna treat this strain,” Garcia replied, trying to control her tears.

“I hope you're right, but if you're not, I just-- I really want to make sure that they hear my voice,”  he explained, his breathing becoming a little more labored.

“Ok. I’m recording,” Garcia said, tears streaming down her face at the thought of losing her friend. She didn’t notice Hotch quietly entering her office, his stoic face betraying none of his heartbreak.

“Mom, Dad, you know I love you and I have always been proud to be your son. You both made sure that I was kept as far away from the family secrets and problems, and you made sure I had the most normal childhood a kid like me could have...and I thank you for it. Know that I’ve done everything I possibly could to survive,” he gasped, fighting for breath.

“Is that all, Spencer?” Garcia hesitantly asked, listening to the coughing that wracked the young genius.

“No, no. If you don’t mind just one more to Thomas and Harry. Give it to my dad; he’ll know what to do with it,” Spencer said.

“Sure. Go on.” 

Hotch tensed behind her, wondering who Thomas and Harry were, his heart breaking to hear the sound of Spencer’s suffering.

“Thomas, you are the best cousin a man could hope for, and I don’t know where I’d be if it weren’t for your help this past couple of years. Thank you. In the spirit of giving back….Justine loves you and you know you love her, so don’t waste time. Try to make it work. Harry, I’m so glad we became friends over the past year. You’ve been a great help. You have no idea how much it’s helped to be around you these past few months. So thank you, and take care of my idiot cousin, will you? He really needs a keeper.” Spencer gasped out a laugh, which quickly changed into a coughing fit.

He hung up with a quick thank you to Garcia so she couldn’t talk him out of staying to look for the cure. Hotch couldn’t help the stab of jealousy when he heard the message that Spencer left for Harry, but it quickly turned to concern for his love when he heard the coughing. He desperately wanted to be in there with him--wanted to hold him and comfort him in his pain--but he had to concentrate on the case and the millions who would die if they didn’t find the unsub.

Spencer redoubled his efforts to find the cure or at least some clue as to the identity of the unsub or his intended target. In the end, it was actually Dr. Kimura who found it, hidden in the inhaler just as Spencer collapsed in front of her. She quickly managed to get him scrubbed down and in the ambulance to be stabilized so he could be treated once the cure was verified.

Hearing that Spencer had collapsed hit the team like a blow to the heart. Everyone had a soft spot for the young genius, but it hurt Hotch the most, and the only thing he wanted more than to rush to the hospital was to pound the unsub into dust for what he’d done to Spencer. He barely managed to control his anger and need for revenge when he arrested Chad Brown at the station. The only thing that stopped him was the thought that Spencer would be disappointed in him if he ever heard of it.

It was with great relief that they heard the cure had been administered and Spencer was improving rapidly, for as fast as it had attacked his system it was leaving just as fast. Hotch made a quick visit to see Spencer while he was still unconscious, breaking down and kissing the younger man even as he slept, needing that added reassurance that his love was whole and alive.

It brought home to him just how hopeless it was to date Beth, or anyone else for that matter when he had given Spencer his whole heart, and so he gently broke it off with the woman. She really didn’t seem that surprised by it, and they parted amicably.

**Foyet**

As soon as Aaron got the call from Boston to visit the dying Detective Shaunessy, he knew it couldn’t be good; but it was worse than he could have ever imagined. It took several more deaths and The Reaper calling to try and make the same deal again--this time with Hotch--before they were able to figure it out and catch Foyet, only for the man to immediately turn around and escape from prison. Aaron couldn’t help but blame himself for the people who had died in the bus after he’d refused the deal. Spencer could see how much it was tearing his love apart, and he was glad that Rossi stepped in to talk Hotch through it.

In the end, the Marshalls couldn’t find Foyet, and other, more pressing cases came up to keep the team busy; but Spencer had a bad feeling about The Reaper so he kept working on the case by himself whenever he had some spare time. He had an inkling that Aaron did as well, but they were still no closer to finding the man.

The night after they returned from Canada, Spencer was beyond tired--in mind and spirit--so much so that even his Hunger seemed subdued, but he still couldn’t get over his feeling of unease and he couldn’t pinpoint the source. The only thing he knew was that he had to stay close to Aaron, so he followed the man home from the office and waited till he saw the light come on in his apartment. He was berating himself for being paranoid and preparing to leave when he heard a muffled gunshot and felt an echo of pain in his head. He had never felt pain from someone he had fed off of before, but he supposed that repeated feedings from Aaron was what had solidified their bond, allowing him to know what the older man was feeling.

Before he even realized what he was doing, he was out of his car and sprinting up the stairs to Hotch’s apartment. He broke down the door in a burst of adrenaline only to find Foyet crouched over Aaron, slapping his face and trying to wake him. There was a spatter of blood on the side of Aaron’s face, red and wet, but Spencer could feel that the man was still alive, just unconscious.

At the sight of Aaron so vulnerable to a psychopath like Foyet, a red haze descended over Spencer, clouding his vision and nearly deafening in the pounding of his ears; and before Foyet could even stand up Spencer was on him. He grabbed his wrist and twisted the arm holding the gun behind his back, wrenching it painfully till it was nearly dislocated.

“You dare to touch what’s  _ mine?” _ Spencer growled, “Miserable human filth. I’m going to enjoy taking everything away from you for that.” He jerked on Foyet’s arm until it gave way, the man’s shoulder dislocating with a sickening yet satisfying pop. 

Foyet howled in pain and anger, trying in vain to take a swing at Spencer with his other hand; but Reid easily caught it, chuckling darkly. He then did the same to the other arm, smirking at the squishing sound the separated joints made.

“You impotent son of a bitch. Not so tough now, are you? Without a gun...or a knife? Can’t even take on Lil-ol' me?” Spencer taunted, licking his lips and relishing the pitiful whimpers flowing from the injured man’s mouth.

With both arms now useless, and in more pain than he’d experienced in a while, Foyet sank to his knees, his teeth bared in a grimace, mind racing, trying to figure out how to get the better of the young profiler. All his scheming proved fruitless when Spencer simply grabbed his head in his hands and twisted in a quick, smooth motion, snapping his neck and watching as the body slumped bonelessly to the floor.

Once Foyet was dead, Spencer stood, panting over the body as the rage that had been fueling him through the fight slowly and painfully subsided. As his mind cleared, he realized the need to cover up exactly how Foyet had died; and so, with distaste, he grabbed the body by the scruff and hauled it to the balcony off Hotch’s living room, tossing it effortlessly over and into the street.

He then rushed back to the living room to check on Aaron, pulling out his phone to call 911 as he went. He had just succeeded in rousing Hotch when the paramedics arrived, closely followed by the rest of the team.

The cops and crime scene techs took over, collecting forensic evidence at the scene and asking a few questions; but for the most part, they accepted Reid’s story of having followed Hotch home to talk after the horror of their previous case, then hearing the gunshot. It was a little harder sell that he’d been the one to break down the door and kill Foyet given his slight build, but he just lied and said that the adrenaline had kicked in and he’d rushed Foyet, forcing him over the balcony railing where he fell to his death.

Nobody, including the team, were inclined to ask too many questions as Foyet was a known serial killer who had attacked one of their own in his own house. The paramedics were able to clear Hotch as only having a mild concussion, stating that he didn’t really need to go to the hospital as long as he had someone stay with him.

Unwilling to be parted from his love again so soon, Spencer offered his place for Hotch to stay while his apartment was being processed, and Hotch agreed as he felt the need to be near Spencer as well after his ordeal.

The drive to Spencer’s apartment was made in silence, each man lost in their own thoughts. Neither of them knew what to say in the situation, but they both desperately wanted to cling to the other and never let go.

Once they got to Spencer’s place, Aaron moved around with the ease of familiarity, dropping his keys in the bowl next to the door with Spencer’s keys, kicking off his shoes and carrying his go bag into the living room where he sank on to the couch tiredly, his head falling against the back of it as exhaustion took over.

“You can have the shower first if you want,” Spencer offered softly as he followed the older man into the living room, sinking down into the couch next to him.

Hotch moved his head to look at the younger man and was struck by how close he was sitting. They hadn’t been this close--not to mention alone together--in months, and he had missed it desperately.

The two men stared at each other for several long moments before Spencer reached out a hand to gently trace the butterfly bandages the EMT had put on Hotch’s temple. Hotch didn’t dare move, he barely dared to breathe for fear that he might scare the younger man away. Slowly, oh so slowly, Spencer leaned forward and brushed his lips gently over the older man’s slightly chapped lips, causing Hotch’s breath to catch. The young genius repeated the motion several times before finally licking at the seam of the lips beneath his own, begging for entrance.

With languorous movements he encouraged Hotch to open up before using his tongue to map the contours of the older man’s mouth, tasting and teasing. Hotch had never been kissed so gently, so thoroughly before in his life. He was being kissed like he was the most precious, fragile thing in all the world. It took his breath away and made him desperate with need.

Aaron brought his own hands up to sink into the younger man’s tousled curls, moaning into the kiss and deepening it even further as he moved to straddle the genius’ slim thighs. They kissed like that for several minutes, both content to just kiss and explore each other without taking it further, despite the fact that they had both been growing hard from the moment Spencer pressed their lips together.

Gently, Spencer’s hands moved to trace the dips and lines in Aaron’s face, then down his neck till he came to the open collar of his shirt. He slipped his fingers between the layers of cotton, freeing the buttons one at a time in excruciating slowness without ever breaking the kiss.  When he finally pushed the shirt off broad shoulders, he hummed into the mouth above him at the feel of warm skin under his fingers.

Aaron moaned his approval as Spencer continued to explore the planes of his chest and abdomen, gently and carefully mapping out every muscle and valley, only pausing to scratch softly at the already pebbled nipples.

Finally, Spencer broke the kiss so he could trace the same path his hands had taken down Aaron’s body with his lips and tongue; and his fingers dipped below the waistband of Hotch’s pants to cup and stroke his needy cock through his boxers. Aaron let out an almost broken cry and bucked up into the hand stroking him just as Spencer’s lips reached the older man’s nipples, biting down sharply on them in turn, creating a perfect balance of pleasure-pain that was driving Aaron mad.

“Spencer….please….just…please…” he begged, not even knowing what he was asking for.

Smiling fondly, all the love he felt for the older man shining in his eyes, Spencer dipped his head for another kiss as he rid his love of the rest of his clothes until Hotch sat there completely bare to his lover’s eyes.

“Your turn,” Hotch gasped, barely able to believe the love he could see in Spencer’s eyes.

Spencer stood up and quickly divested himself of all his clothes till he was just as naked as his love.  The sight of Spencer’s cock standing erect and proud, so close to his face was too much for Hotch, and he bent forward to lap at the tip, dipping in to taste his love--a taste he had sorely missed over the past few months. He found he couldn’t get enough, moving further forward to envelop him completely in his mouth. Sucking and licking with gusto, he found he just couldn’t get enough of the unique taste of his lover on his tongue, even as Spencer began to moan and buck into his mouth, his hands buried in the short dark strands of his hair.

Aaron encouraged him to thrust into his willing mouth until Spencer’s hips were moving erratically and he was coming into the older man’s throat with a cry of his name on his lips. Aaron swallowed it all down before pulling off and continuing to nuzzle at the spent cock.

“Aaron. Love, you are so beautiful. Have I ever told you that?” Spencer asked, stroking his hair gently before dipping his head to kiss and lick the taste of himself out of Aaron’s mouth.

Aaron moaned into the kiss, the combination of his and Spencer’s tastes mingling in his mouth almost too much for him, and it caused his already aching cock to harden even more. Spencer took Aaron’s hand in his and tugged him gently towards the bedroom where he pushed the older man onto the bed and straddled his toned thighs, continuing to kiss him breathless.

Spencer’s own cock was starting to rise and fill again with their ministrations, the feel of Aaron’s cock brushing against his own igniting a renewed heat low in his groin. He reached for the lube on the nightstand and prepared himself as quickly as he could before coating the remaining lube on Aaron’s cock. Aaron gasped at the feel of Spencer’s needy hole rubbing along the tip of his straining length. 

With excruciating slowness, Spencer slid down the older man’s cock until Aaron was balls deep inside him, making both men gasp at the feeling. He took a minute to adjust to the feel of his love inside him, and Aaron was grateful for the respite as he was too close to coming from just the feel of Spencer tight around his cock.

The young genius set up a delicious, languorous pace, driving both of them mad with need until he could no longer bear it. Aaron flipped them over, changing positions and thrusting into Spencer at a punishing pace, causing them both to climax as one with each other’s names on their lips.

Afterward, they lay panting together, Aaron slumped on top of Spencer until he softened completely and slipped out of his heat. Spencer’s arms held him in place, not allowing him to move. The gesture, along with the gentleness Spencer had displayed throughout their love making--it couldn’t be called anything else, really--warmed Aaron’s heart immeasurably, and he placed a small kiss on Spencer’s lips and buried his face in the other man’s hair.

After a while, the semen grew cold and sticky between them, itching and uncomfortable, so they got up and showered together. They dressed in sleep clothes, as Spencer insisted on it, fell asleep in each other’s arms.

An hour later Spencer was awoken by a burning sensation against his lips, and he turned to find that Aaron’s hair, which was touching his lips, was burning him. Heartbroken with the painful evidence of their love, Spencer carefully slipped out of bed.

He had proof, definite proof that Aaron loved him just as completely as he did, and it broke his heart. The young genius knew that he couldn’t stay. He couldn’t work in the BAU when even the smallest touch from Aaron would burn him. So he began to pack as quietly as he could, tears running down his face and only the shards of his broken heart left in his chest.

When he had packed up everything he would need, he wrote a note to Aaron, unwilling to leave the man without an explanation even if he knew that the explanation would bring more questions than answers. He placed it on the kitchen counter where the other man would find it in the morning, then left, shutting the door as silently as possible behind him. 


	5. Finding Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer leaves and Aaron is heartbroken. How will they find their way back to each other, or is it a lost cause?

_ Don’t try to stop your heart from falling in love, because in the end it may be worth it. _

_ —Fad Ibra _

  
  


_ My dearest Aaron, _

_ I love you. The depth of my love for you is something that has surprised even me. But I cannot stay. It hurts to touch you. It burns my skin. And me being around you is steadily killing you. Loving you the way I do, I simply cannot stand hurting you that way. I know you don’t understand, but that’s alright my love. I just needed to tell you these things. There are so many things about me that you never knew and that you will never understand. I haven’t the first clue how to begin telling you these things and not have you think me mad. Maybe someday you will understand. Goodbye, my love, I wish you a long and happy life. _

_ Yours, _

_ Spencer. _

 

           Aaron reread the letter Spencer had left him for the hundredth time, no closer to deciphering its meaning than he had been the first time. The paper was crumpled and worn in places from repeated re-readings; and it was stained with tears, both Aaron’s and Spencer’s. When he had woken up to find Spencer gone he had assumed the other man had just gone to get coffee or breakfast...until he entered the kitchen and saw the note.

Just looking at the note had had a chill of dread going through him, but he’d still hoped it was just Spencer telling him he had gone out and would see him later--right up until he had read those words, those incomprehensible words. Words that left him with more questions than answers and tore strips off his heart every time he reread them; and yet, he couldn’t help himself, he had to read them, again and again, trying to understand why.

Spencer had said he loved him. How could someone he loved do this to him? How could he leave him in so much pain after such a beautiful night together? They had shared something special that night, something that had never happened before--not with Spencer, and certainly not with anyone else, and it seemed that Spencer had thought so too.

Aaron tried to rationalize that maybe Spencer had just panicked and ran when things had gotten too close, but that didn’t make sense--not with the pain that he could read between the lines in the note. Or maybe he was just deluding himself and Spencer had never loved him as much as he loved the younger man.

He was rereading it for the hundredth time when Rossi came in to tell him about the case in Louisville and caught him.

“Really Aaron? You have to let it go. The kid is gone and even Garcia can’t find him, which means that he doesn’t want to be found,” Rossi said, throwing his friend a chastising look.

“I know. I know I should, and I’m trying, but I just can’t. I need to understand why. Why would he do this? Why leave like this? Without a word to anyone, just a resignation on Strauss’ desk?” he asked, “He was completely packed up and gone before I even woke up. Was what we had so bad that he just had to run away like that?” Aaron was hoping his friend would have some answers, but he feared he was no closer to the truth than he had been a month ago when Spencer left.

“I don’t know Aaron, but I do know that sitting here reading that note for the hundredth time won't give you any answers. Come on, there’s a man on a killing spree in Louisville; maybe work will help take your mind off things,” Rossi said, sad to see his friend so broken. If he had his way he would kill Spencer for hurting Aaron so badly, but nobody on the team knew where the young genius had disappeared to and his family was not inclined to talk.

When they reached Louisville and found out about the antipsychotics he was furious that they’d missed yet another detail, quite like he’d missed details about Spencer, and he took his anger out on Garcia and the hapless pharmacist. It seemed he was now well and truly in the anger phase, and while he was a little ashamed of himself for taking out his anger on everyone around him, he didn’t know how to stop.

He knew it was reckless of him to walk into that house without a gun or a vest, but he felt the need to do something – something good, something definite— rather than just stand around waiting for the cops to storm the door. He was doing something Spencer would have done, and he found himself largely not caring whether he lived or died, and that scared him a little. He wondered if that was all it took – a broken heart -- for him to give up on this life he had built for himself.

Rossi read him the riot act once they were alone. Hotch could see that the rest of the team was worried about him, Morgan was suspicious and questioning him at every turn. No one but Rossi had even the slightest inkling about what had happened between him and Spencer, but they suspected. After all this time, he had finally lost the will to conceal his broken heart.

When he got home he found William Raith waiting for him in his apartment.

“How did you get in here and what do you want?” he demanded, feeling angry and broken around the edges, “Did you come to get the last of Spencer’s things? I’m afraid he didn’t leave anything here. Except for me, of course. He left me.”Spencer wasn’t there to unleash his ire on, but his father was, and he would do.

“I understand how you feel. I’m here to offer you an explanation if you want it,” William said with a look of something close to pity on his face. He felt for the man, after all, he had seen the state his son was in after leaving and was really hoping that talking to Aaron would help them both.

“An explanation? I would definitely like one of those. From  _ Spencer _ ,” Aaron snapped.

“He’s being stubborn and self-sacrificing as usual. You know how he gets. So I’m afraid it’s up to me to provide the explanation,” William answered, not at all phased by the open antagonism shown by Aaron.

“Fine. Tell me what you came to say and then leave; unless you’re willing to tell me where Spencer is so I can go talk to him myself,” Aaron growled, throwing himself into the couch and gesturing for the other man to sit as well.

“If you still want to know at the end of my explanation then yes, I’ll tell you where Spence is; but I hope you’ll go easy on him. The last month hasn’t been easy for him either,” William said, taking a seat in an armchair next to the couch.

“He’s alright?” Aaron asked, his heart immediately throbbing at the thought of anything happening to Spencer to hurt him.

“Physically he’s fine. He’s just as torn up as you are about leaving you, but he can’t see an alternative. I’m hoping you can. But first I think a demonstration is in order,” William said, raising a hand to stop more of Aaron’s questions.

Aaron was puzzled as William reached forward to touch him, and then shocked at the hiss of pain the other man let out as he touched the profiler’s skin. He moved forward quickly to see that the skin of William’s finger where the man had touched him was badly burned, but it was also healing quite rapidly as well. Aaron looked up stunned, unsure about what he’d just seen.  

“This is what Spencer meant when he said your touch burns him, even if it is his love that affords you this protection. The ultimate irony for our kind. We can never touch the ones we truly love and who truly love us. I have not been able to touch Spencer’s mother in years. Not since the spell backfired,” William said sadly.

“You…what…spell?” Aaron stuttered, completely thrown by everything he had just seen and heard. The skin of William’s finger was now fully healed, making him wonder if he had really seen the burn or imagined it.

“How old do you think I am, Agent Hotchner?” William asked.

“I….I don’t know….maybe 60?” Aaron asked.

“I am at least a couple of centuries older than that. We, Spencer and I, are White Court vampires. We feed off the psychic energy of humans during sex. People have another name for it as well--Incubus. It’s how we survive, and we live very long lives. Diana and I have been together for two centuries now. It was only in the last century that we started trying to have a child, and we were finally blessed with Spencer. He is the light of our lives as, you can imagine, and we did our very best to prevent him from becoming a full-fledged vampire like me, but the bitch he trusted with his heart was sadly not worthy. How I wish you had met then,” William sighed, “All this heartache could have been avoided if you had been his first.”

“You…what? I mean--I… Are you crazy?” Hotch burst out, wondering what the man was going on about.

“Ah. I see further proof is needed,” William said, tapping on a stone set in the bracelet on his wrist.

There was a shimmer in the air and then suddenly a man was stepping through a hole from what looked like another world directly into Aaron’s living room and sealing the hole back up.

“Hey there, agent,” The man greeted before settling himself on the couch that Aaron had jumped off of at the first sign of the rip appearing in his living room.

“I…what….am I going mad?” Aaron wondered out loud.

“No. You are not mad. This here is Ebenezar McCoy. He’s a wizard and can travel between the realms. He brought me here and waited on the other side, guarding the entrance just in case you needed further proof, which you did,” William said.

Aaron sank down into the couch again staring at both men, his whole world crumbling around him.

“Let me break it down for you, Agent Hotchner. Magic is real. The supernatural is very real. Vampires, witches, demons, monsters of all kinds are very real. We live in this world, same as you.”

“You…you’re not kidding. This isn’t some big hoax, is it?” Hotch asked.

“No, it’s not. It’s all very real. I wish I could leave you with your comfortable world view, but unfortunately you fell in love with my son and I want to see you both happy,” William said sadly.

“How do more people not know about this? How do you hide?”

“Surprisingly we don’t really need to hide all that much. Most people don’t believe the evidence of their eyes. For those that do, they don’t usually talk about it for fear of being called crazy,” William said and went on to explain the basics of the supernatural world to a stunned Hotch.

“Spencer’s mother…she’s not really schizophrenic is she?” Aaron asked when he finished his explanation.

“No. That was a spell that backfired. It leaves her in a confused state sometimes where she doesn’t really know who she is or what she’s doing. Schizophrenia is the closest human disease that Spencer could think of, so we went with that explanation,” William answered.

“Was anything he told me true? Did I ever even know the real him? How can you love someone who hides so much from you?” Aaron raged, getting up to pace the room.

“Listen, agent...I don’t know what Spencer did or didn’t tell you, but I do know that he has never willingly lied to you unless it was to protect you. The boy loves you very much,” Ebenezar said. He had been watching Hotch the whole time and could see how conflicted the man was.

“He loves me so much he can never touch me again without burning himself. Isn’t that just wonderful? How am I supposed to deal with this?” Aaron asked, “How did you and his mother deal with it? You say you’ve been together for centuries, you didn’t love each other then?” he asked, grasping at anything that might provide a solution.

“The protection only lasts until you sleep with someone else who you don’t love. So over the years Diana and I shared a number of partners or slept with other people so we could touch each other for a little while. It wasn’t easy, but we made it work,” William said.

“So, if I sleep with someone else now, then after that Spencer can touch me again?” Aaron asked.

“Yes, but if you sleep with Spencer again following that, the protection is renewed,” William cautioned.

“This sucks, you know that right? Not to mention the fact that he will probably outlive me by centuries, looking just as young and beautiful then as he does now while I’m a doddering old man,” Hotch sighed as he sank onto the couch, his head in his hands.

“I know. It won’t be easy, that’s why I’m telling you this. I need you to consider all these things and the fact that Spencer will have to feed off of more than just you if you want to live as long a life as it is possible for your kind. Don’t contact him unless you’re willing to make it work with him. My son loves you; don’t hurt him more by trying and then giving up halfway because it is too hard,” William said, standing up.

“I think I’ve given you more than enough to ponder for now. If you want to see Spencer he’s staying in Chicago with his cousin, Thomas,” William said, motioning to Ebenezar, and with a swish of his staff he ripped a hole in the world and both men stepped through.  Aaron watched as the hole sealed back up again, leaving him more conflicted than ever before.

  He finally understood what Spencer had been trying to tell him in his letter, and William’s explanation had cleared up all the things that had puzzled Hotch over the years about Spencer, but he didn’t know if he had the strength to love an incubus.

********************

The next morning found a very contemplative Aaron trying to concentrate on his paperwork as the rest of the team worked on theirs in the bullpen. He spent all day in his office as he had no meetings for once, but he managed to get only a small portion of it done as his mind kept going over the things he had learned from William Raith. He found he had more questions than answers, but the big questions remained the same; did he believe in magic and the supernatural – which, given what he had seen, wasn’t such a stretch – and did he think he could handle all the pitfalls that came with a relationship with Spencer.

At six o’clock Rossi strolled in with a bottle of whiskey and a couple of glasses. He poured a glass for each of them and settled himself in the chair opposite Aaron.

“Haven’t seen you all day. What have you been doing?” Rossi asked, his keen eyes noting the preoccupation on his friends face.

Hotch contemplated how much he could actually tell Rossi about what he had learned last night as he reached for the drink and took a sip. He decided to tell him most of it.

“William Raith came to see me last night.”

“From Raith Inc.? What did he want?” Rossi asked, surprised.

“Oh…that’s right, you don’t know…”

“What don’t I know?”

“He’s Spencer’s father.”

“Wait you’re telling me that the kid is heir to the Raith fortunes?” Rossi said, completely flabbergasted.

“One of them. Apparently, it’s a big family and Spencer likes to stay away from family politics,” Aaron shrugged.

“Wow, you think you know a person,” Rossi exclaimed.

Aaron laughed, almost hysterically, at that statement.

“What?” Rossi gave him a puzzled look, “What did I say that was so funny?” 

“You- you have no idea how true that statement is,” Aaron gasped, trying to contain his laughter; but he found he couldn’t stop now that he had started. He laughed until tears were running down his cheeks and he was gasping for breath while Rossi watched, concerned that his friend was finally cracking up under the stress and heartache.

Eventually, though, he did manage to stop, and he wiped the tears from his eyes.

“I really needed that,” Aaron said, sighing.

“Are you going to tell me what that was all about?” Rossi asked.

“William had a lot of things to tell me about his son. It was something Spencer would never have told me….or, I don’t think he would have. That man is ridiculously overprotective of those he loves and stupidly self-sacrificing. It’s no wonder I love him,” Aaron sighed, leaning back in his chair and staring into the warm brown liquid in his glass.

“Care to share with the rest of the class?”

“It’s personal…most of it, but I can tell you this….He had very good reasons for leaving, and the best of intentions. If we were ever to have a relationship there would be several drawbacks for me….and him. What he did...it makes sense, but we could make a go of it if I were willing to live with it,” Aaron said.

“So he does love you, then?”

“Oh yes, I have conclusive proof of that,” Aaron said, looking at his hands.

“And you love him?”

“Yes.”

“So then what’s to think about?” Rossi asked.

“Why Dave, I never took you for this much of a romantic,” Aaron smirked, “Contrary to popular belief, love doesn’t actually conquer all. If we try this and it doesn’t work we’ll end up more hurt and broken than we are now, and I don’t think I could bear to do that to either of us. I don’t know if we would survive it if it didn’t work,” Aaron continued sadly.

“So what, you don’t even try?” Rossi asked, disappointed in his friend.

“No, that’s not what I’m saying. I just need to give it some thought. Decide if I can actually live with all the things we will be giving up,” Aaron said, contemplating his hands and the way they had burned William.

“Just don’t waste too much time thinking on it,” Rossi cautioned as he stood and collected his bottle and glass, leaving with a nod. 

************************

The weeks went by and cases came and went; and then there was the case in Rossi’s home town. Hotch could see how much it had affected Dave to be reminded of his first love, the woman he had loved almost all his life. On the plane home he sat down and talked to Rossi, hoping to help the older man; but in typical Rossi fashion the older man had turned it around on him and asked, “When all this is over, what are you gonna do to make sure you're not a lonely guy wondering why you let the purest thing in your life get away?”

That one sentence stuck with him the rest of the night, and he couldn’t stop wondering if he would end up like Rossi, wondering what might have been if he let Spencer go without a fight. By the next morning, he was ready to put in for some leave and hunt down Spencer to at least talk to him--try to convince him that he should give them a chance.

Aaron was heading to Strauss’s office to request the leave, effective immediately when JJ came in with the case in south DC involving four dead people brutally beaten to death. The case was awful, and it made him sick to his stomach. Even after all this time it still amazed him the depths to which people could sink. With Morgan and the police chief questioning his every move, and Morgan blatantly flouting the rules and getting involved with the victim’s sister, it just didn’t get any easier; and by the end of it, he had had enough.

As soon as they got back to the office he finished his paperwork as quickly as he was able and left a message for Strauss that he was taking a few days off. Then he left to pack a few essentials so he could get on the next plane to Chicago. 

************************

Aaron arrived in Chicago and drove straight to the address that William had given him. He reached the apartment building where Spencer was staying with Thomas and was buzzed up by someone with a fake French accent, an accent that disappeared as soon as he gave his name. When he reached the door he hesitated to knock, unsure if Spencer would even want to see him. When it opened, he was greeted by one of the most handsome men he’d ever seen.

“Ah good, you’re here! Maybe you can do something about the lump in my guest room who does nothing but eat and read,” Thomas said, smiling at the profiler and motioning him inside.

Aaron walked in tentatively and looked around at the sparsely furnished apartment.

“I guess it makes sense that everyone in Spencer’s family is good looking,” Aaron blurted out, staring at Thomas.

Thomas laughed and patted Aaron’s shoulder, nudging him towards the guest bedroom where Spencer had been staying for the past few months. He was worried about his cousin--who seemed to have lost the will to do anything at all and was steadily getting worse as time went on.

The past couple of weeks he hadn’t even bothered to go to the clubs to feed his Hunger and Thomas didn’t know how to help him. He had been much the same when he’d first been separated from Justine, but he’d had Harry helping him, but in this case, not even Harry knew how to help Spencer, and it was worrying both of them.

Aaron walked up to the door, gathered his courage and knocked.

“Go away Thomas, I’m just not interested in going out today. Leave me alone,” Spencer whined, throwing a pillow at the door and burying his head under the covers.

“Not Thomas,” Aaron said, opening the door and entering the room anyway. He was shocked to see his normally bright eyed and enthusiastic lover so unkempt and depressed. It wasn’t until that moment that he realized exactly how much Spencer had given up when he had left; Aaron had at least had the team and work to keep him busy and occupied. Spencer had lost everything. When he’d walked away from Aaron, he’d also walked away from the family that the team had been to him--his work and his purpose in life. It broke Aaron’s heart to see his love like that, and he couldn’t help himself as he was drawn forwards to sit on the side of the bed.

Spencer jolted and sat up, staring at Aaron as he walked into the room and sat down. He couldn’t believe that the older man would have followed him after the cryptic note he had left behind. Aaron reached out to touch Spencer’s face and the younger man couldn’t help but flinch away before he could touch him.

“Oh, right, sorry. I shouldn’t touch you, should I?” Aaron said, heart sick at the way Spencer had reacted to his touch.

“You-you-what? How did you know I was here?” Spencer blurted, still staring, unable to believe his own eyes.

“Your father came to see me. He explained a lot of things to me...and helped me make some sense of other things. I understand why you left now, Spencer. It would have been nice to hear it from you, though,” Aaron said, wanting so badly to touch the younger man but unsure if his touch would be welcome.

“I didn’t think you would believe me. It’s not something that you can just bring up in casual conversation. ‘Oh, by the way, I’m an Incubus’. It’s not something you can tell people without them looking at you like you’re crazy,” Spencer said, staring down at his hands, fidgeting anxiously in his lap.

“I know, but I love you,” Aaron said, reaching out to hold the younger man’s cloth covered arm, “I would have listened.”

“How can you love me? You don’t even know me. I kept so many parts of myself hidden from you. You probably wouldn’t even be attracted to me if I wasn’t an incubus,” Spencer snapped, still refusing to look at Aaron.

“You think I’m only attracted to your looks? That’s not true, Spencer. From the beginning, it’s always been your mind, your brilliant mind and your heart that has held me more than anything else. It doesn’t hurt that you’re incredibly good looking, but even without that I would still love you,” Aaron said, trying to convey all the love he felt with his eyes.

“You shouldn’t. My heart isn’t as good as you think, Aaron. I’m a monster. How do you think Foyet died?” he asked, “I killed him. With my bare hands. I pulled him apart and broke his neck for hurting you. When I saw him crouched over you, the monster in me took over and I literally tore him apart with my bare hands. That’s not the kind of monster you should love,” Spencer said, turning away.

“Spencer please, look at me, love. I should be thanking you for saving my life. If not for you Foyet would have killed me,” Aaron pleaded; he could see that he wasn’t getting through to Spencer.

“But don’t you see, Aaron? I’m a monster, an even bigger monster than Foyet. Every time I touch you I drain a little bit more of your psychic energy. Every time, I take a little bit more of your life. I’m killing you slowly, every time I’m with you, Aaron. I can’t do that to you,” Spencer cried, tears spilling from his eyes.

Aaron tightened his grip on Spencer’s arm, he didn’t want to let go. He wasn’t going to give up without a fight.

“From what I understand, psychic energy can be recharged. So if we’re careful I could live out a normal human lifespan,” Aaron said, using Spencer’s favored weapon--logic--to try to get through to him.

“And you will be just fine with all the other people you and I will have to sleep with just so that we can have some semblance of a relationship?” Spencer asked.

“I’m not saying it’ll be easy, and I might want to tear some of them apart with jealousy, but I want to try, Spencer. I want to give this thing between us a shot. Please,” he begged.

“No Aaron, it won’t work. We might be fine for a while but the little resentments and jealousies, they would build and build till we implode and you end up hating me. I don’t think I could live with you hating me, Aaron. I’m sorry,” Spencer said, still averting his gaze and staring determinedly at the floor. He knew that if he caught a glimpse of those melted chocolate eyes he loved so much he’d cave and agree to anything.

“So you don’t even want to try? Spencer, please…..just look at me. Just once,” Aaron said; and forgetting himself, he reached out to touch Spencer’s cheek, causing Spencer to yelp and jerk away.

The sight of the burn on the younger man’s pale skin, bright red and painful looking, caused another crack to form in Aaron’s already fractured heart; and when Spencer still refused to look at him, he stood up and walked out of the room, tears streaming down his face. It killed him that he had come here and laid his heart bare to the younger man and had been turned away so finally. He had also inadvertently caused his love pain. Maybe Spencer was right and the only thing they would bring each other was pain.

Thomas saw the state Aaron was in and walked towards him to offer what little comfort he could.

“You know he’s just scared, right? He loves you so much, and that scares him more than anything,” the older vampire said, patting Aaron on the shoulder comfortingly.

“I know. Why, why does love have to hurt so damn much? Why do we just keep hurting each other like this?” Aaron asked rushing out of the apartment and out of the building.

Thomas had no answers for him and he went to help comfort his heartbroken cousin.

**********************

Coming back to DC left Aaron feeling drained and depressed. He and no idea what he was going to do now. He had finally faced exactly how much he loved Spencer when he had gone to Chicago, and now he found himself directionless. It took a lot of effort for him to drag himself to Dave’s house, and when the older man saw the look on his face, he ushered him in immediately. It was late so Rossi didn’t try to talk to Aaron. He wasn’t sure Aaron was even aware of what he was doing, so he simply directed him into the guest bedroom and tucked him in to sleep.

The next morning Aaron woke up and he found he could barely remember how he had gotten himself from the airport to Rossi’s house. He wandered downstairs to find Dave cooking breakfast for both of them.

“You came in late last night. What happened Aaron? I take it that it didn’t go well with Spencer?” Rossi asked, placing a plate of biscuits and gravy in front of Aaron.

Aaron was touched by this show of concern from his friend, who usually turned his nose up at making his favorite meal.

“No, it didn’t. I told him I loved him and we should give it a shot. Try to make it work, but he didn’t want to listen to me. He said I would only come to resent him and he couldn’t bear the thought of that,” Aaron said, his breath hitching as he thought of the look on Spencer’s face as he was leaving.

“Maybe he’s right. Maybe you two would only hurt each other more by trying to make it work,” Rossi said tentatively. He hated to see his friend in so much pain and he wanted to help in any way he could.

“Maybe,” Hotch sighed as he pushed his food around the plate listlessly.

“Eat up. I don’t make biscuits and gravy for just anyone,” Rossi said, bracingly trying to cheer his friend up.

“Thanks for this,” Hotch said as he forced himself to eat a little, only realizing as the food hit his stomach how hungry he actually was. It seemed he’d forgotten to eat anything the previous day. At first, he’d just been too nervous about his meeting with Spencer, and after he’d been in a daze of pain and sadness and he’d completely forgotten about food. He quickly finished eating in silence, forcing himself to focus on the food and nothing else. 

After he had finished his breakfast, Rossi gave him a ride back to the airport where he picked up his car and went home. On the ride to the airport, they chatted about various subjects, both of them staying away from anything related to Spencer by mutual unspoken agreement. 

There was nothing more to be said, after all. 

By the time Hotch had reached home, he was determined to put Spencer behind him. He was going to do his best to forget all about the genius.

************************

The months passed and Hotch stayed busy with cases and keeping the team together. Despite the best efforts of the state department to recruit JJ, he managed to hold on to her; but he found himself just going through the motions. It was as though when Spencer had left he had taken every bit of interest Aaron had in his job with him. Without Spencer, there was no joy left in the work, and he felt like his heart wasn’t in it. One more case, one more madman doing unspeakable things to people, nobody to spout random facts and make incomprehensible leaps of logic to help catch the killers faster. He missed Spencer like he would a missing limb. The pain never lessened, and time didn’t seem to want to heal this wound.

Nothing seemed to help--not nights out with the team, not dinners with Rossi as his wingman--nobody quite compared to Spencer, with his sharp mind and even sharper wit, his beautiful smile that lit Aaron’s heart every time he saw it and his flawless body that could drive Aaron to distraction. The more he tried to put Spencer out of his mind and move on, the worse it seemed to get until finally, it was just too much he couldn’t take it anymore. Life with Spencer, with all the compromises and adjustments they would have to make, would definitely be preferable to the misery he was living in. So he decided to give it one last shot, and if Spencer still didn’t want him, then he wasn’t sure what he was going to do...but he knew he had to try.

So Aaron went back to Chicago. He had a game plan this time, a way to get Spencer to listen, and with that in mind he picked up a woman at the airport bar who was willing to indulge in a threesome, taking her with him to see Spencer.

When they got there, Thomas let them in and left as soon as he sensed Aaron’s intentions, wishing him luck. For once Spencer was up and dressed as he had just returned from helping Harry with a case. One look at Aaron and Spencer knew what the man was about, and he started shaking his head even before Aaron could speak.

“No no no no no no. I am not going to change my mind, Aaron.” Spencer said despite the lurch his heart gave at the sight of his love whom he had missed desperately all these months.

“Spencer, we tried it your way. It didn’t work, for either of us from what your cousin said, so sit down and shut up. We are doing it my way this time, whether you like it or not. I hope you join in. This is Trish” Aaron said drawing the woman further into the room and kissing her.

Spencer tried to look away; he tried not to watch as Aaron started to undress the woman and himself kissing every bit of skin as he exposed it, but months of only feeding when he absolutely had to and missing Aaron had taken its toll and he couldn’t take his eyes off them.

Aaron knelt in front of Trish unzipping her thigh-high boots and removing first one and kissing her ankle before placing her foot back on the floor and moving to the other foot to repeat the procedure. Even though Aaron was kissing his way up the woman’s legs his gaze was locked on Spencer’s and causing the younger man’s cock to rise and fill in his trousers. Watching his love kissing and caressing someone else was incredibly arousing especially since he could see how much it was arousing Aaron to know that Spencer was watching.

Aaron continued kissing up Trish’s legs, gently nudging them apart to place kisses on the insides of her thighs as his hands pushed up her skirt, reaching to cup her butt and squeeze the cheeks. The tight skirt moved up till it was nothing more than a band around her waist as Aaron kissed his way up the inside of her thighs, his hands moving to draw down her black lace thong till it was pooled at her feet; and he nosed at her crotch, causing her to moan and sink her fingers into close-cropped, dark hair.

Spencer couldn’t help himself. He came up behind her and pressed his still clothed and straining length into the curve of her ass as he unbuttoned her top and removed her bra, cupping the round globes of her breasts in his hands. Aaron was still licking and sucking at her mound, the dual assault causing her knees to weaken. She would have surely fallen if not for the hands holding her up.

As soon as he had divested her of all her clothes, Spencer picked her up and sat on the bed near the headboard, still fully clothed with her in his lap, his ankles wound around hers to spread her legs, leaving her open to Aaron’s hungry gaze. The older man quickly stripped off the rest of his clothes, eyes locked on the pair in the bed who were lazily swapping kisses as Spencer played with her breasts, gently teasing the already erect nipples almost to the point of pain, her moans lost in his mouth. Aaron had expected to feel at least some amount of jealousy watching Spencer with someone else, but all he could think was  _ beautiful _ . He had never seen anything more erotic, and it was taking all his control not to grab Spencer and just kiss him, but he knew he had to wait.

Aaron crawled up the bed, moving between the spread legs of the reclining couple till he had his head between her legs, licking and sucking at her shaved mound while Spencer swallowed all her moans with his kisses. Both men only had eyes for each other even as they quickly brought her to her climax. Trish slipped down Spencer’s body till her head was rested in his lap. Aaron continued to lick and finger her through her climax, and then he crawled up to share the taste of her on his lips with Spencer.

Kissing Spencer after so long apart was almost enough to make him come right there, and he barely managed to hold on, drawing Spencer’s tongue into his mouth and sucking on it like it was a lollipop even as he sank his hard cock into her dripping folds. As he fucked into her the older man practically tore off Spencer’s shirt, kissing him while his hands roamed over every inch of perfect, pale skin that he uncovered. 

“Spencer, please, “ Aaron begged, breaking the kiss, “Need you.”

Spencer tenderly cupped his cheek and asked, “What do you need, my love.”

“Need you to fuck me, love. Need you so much,” Aaron moaned, his hips automatically thrusting down into Trish’s body.

Spencer quickly moved off the bed and slipped off his pants and boxers, grabbing the lube from the bedside table as he moved into place behind Aaron. The younger man placed a slick finger to the point where Aaron was joined to Trish and stroked up from there till he came to Aaron’s needy hole, slipping in to finger him, causing Aaron to moan and buck his hips, his cock pushing further into the woman under him.

Spencer roughly prepared Aaron before lining up his aching length against the man’s hole and pushing in with one smooth stroke, causing Aaron to keen with pleasure. He set up a punishing pace, aware that the two under him were very close to their climaxes already. There was silence except for the moans and sighs as the three in the bed chased their mounting orgasms blindly till Spencer bit down on the nape of Aaron’s neck and came deep within his lover. The mixture of sensations--the pain of the bite coupled with the feel of Spencer’s release inside his body--was enough to drive Aaron over the edge, and he came inside Trish with Spencer’s name on his lips. Trish quickly followed the two men before the stuttering of Aaron’s hips stopped.

Completely spent, the three of them fell together in the bed, Aaron still inside Trish as they curled up together to sleep. As he held Aaron close for the first time in a long time, Spencer began to believe that maybe….just maybe they could make it work. They would need to talk about it…after. For now, he was just content to hold on to his love and sleep. 

*********************************

The morning found Aaron and Spencer curled together in the bed instinctively holding on to each other even in sleep--Aaron’s head on the younger man’s chest and one leg thrown over him to prevent him from moving. Trish had left sometime in the night, but neither man had stirred, even as she’d dressed and was shown out by Thomas.

Aaron woke first and marveled at the sensation of being held warm in Spencer’s arms. He stroked the sparse chest hair beneath his fingers and moved his head to rest his chin on Spencer’s chest to look at the face of his slumbering love. The older man was admiring the way the early morning light hit Spencer’s features, making them seem ethereal and otherworldly when Spencer suddenly spoke.

“You’re staring,” he said, eyes closed and voice hoarse from disuse.

“I’m looking at the man I love,” Aaron replied, smiling up at him tentatively. He really hoped that last night had been a turning point and Spencer wouldn’t turn him away again.

“Ummm hmmm,” Spencer hummed as he finally cracked open one eye and smiled back at Aaron, pulling the other man up for a deep kiss. “I love you too,” Spencer said when the kiss finally broke.

Aaron was so ecstatic to finally hear those words from the man he loved that he pulled him into a deeper kiss till Spencer gently pushed him away a little, resting his forehead against Aaron’s.

“Not that I don’t want to, but if we do this right now then we’ll have to put on clothes again, and I find I’m rather enjoying being naked like this with you,” Spencer said, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“Fine,” Aaron pouted, “I guess we can wait a while. You know it’s been months, right? And I’ve missed you so damn much.”

“I know, love. Drawbacks of dating an incubus I’m afraid,” Spencer said, looking a little guilty.

“Hey, hey….no need to feel guilty. It’s not like this is a big hardship, lying here in your arms. If all I get is this for the next fifty years then I’ll take it. I’ve seen what life without you is like, Spencer, and I can tell you I can’t do that again. Whatever I have to do to keep you in my life I’ll do,” Aaron said, cupping Spencer’s face and letting all the love he felt for the younger man show in his eyes.

Spencer felt a lump rise in his throat at the love he could see shining in the older man’s eyes and the sincerity that rang through his words, and he swallowed hard. Tears rose in his eyes as he contemplated the miracle in his arms. He had not believed that anyone would be willing to go through all the trouble that came with loving him, yet Aaron was here, offering him everything he could ever want without the slightest hesitation.

Spencer quickly rolled them till he was over the older man, then kissed him to within an inch of his life. When they came up for air he gasped, “I love you, so much you amazing man.” They shared a few more heated kisses, then he added, “But we’ll have to talk about this, I guess…how it’ll work between us.”

“Yeah, I guess we will,” Aaron replied before his stomach interrupted them with a growl.

Spencer laughed and said, “We can talk after breakfast.” He got out of bed and pulled on the first thing he could find, which happened to be his pants and Aaron’s shirt.

Aaron growled possessively at the sight of Spencer in his clothes and rose up to kiss the other man before dressing himself. He decided to go shirtless as Spencer was wearing his.

“I like you in my clothes,” Aaron said as he pulled Spencer closer by his hips kissing him again when Spencer offered to give his shirt back.

As they grabbed a quick breakfast of cornflakes, which seemed to be the only thing in the kitchen—both Spencer and Thomas were horrible at grocery shopping—they discussed how they would make it work between them.

They decided that they would take turns choosing the women they would bring home and never bring home any men unless both of them agreed. They would also need to invest in some gloves for Spencer and long sleeved shirts for them to sleep in for the times when they just wanted it to be the two of them. Aaron even managed to convince Spencer to come back to the BAU with him, although it didn’t take much convincing as Spencer had been bored out of his mind just helping Harry and Thomas occasionally.

With things settled between them, all that was left was for Spencer to pack up and leave with Aaron. Spencer packed and allowed Aaron to persuade him further to move in with him when they got to DC.

By the time Thomas woke up around noon Spencer was all packed, and with a few calls had been reinstated into the FBI pending his gun recertification. All that remained was to say goodbye to his cousin and go back to his life in DC with Aaron. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I intend to do a few timestamps covering the remaining seasons and later years of these boys right up until they die if there is interest.


	6. Art

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Art by Rivermoon1970

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/11605764@N03/24620263298/in/album-72157689814211804/)  



End file.
